Falling Away Read Online Free PDF Page A

on.”
    “Even if that is the case, she still wants to break up. So whether she was or she wasn’t seeing this guy, she doesn’t want us to exist anymore. And that fucking kills me. Like you wouldn’t believe.”
    His fists clench and I can’t help but shake my head in utter disbelief, because this is so not what I expected. Ben and Lil were supposed to be forever. Or so we all thought, including Ben.
    Finally we turn to run the long strip of beach back to our starting point. The sun has slipped further above the horizon and its heat stabs at me even though it’s early. Pre-dawn fishermen start disappearing in four wheel drives, their tyre trails snaking behind them over the dune.
    We reach the surf club totally knackered and find the locals have snagged the best spots on the break. And these guys love Ben. Love him. In that matey, blokey kind of way. Because he’s that kind of guy.
    “Benno! Mate .”
    “How are ya, mate ? It’s been too bloody long. You comin’ in for a surf?”
    “ Faark , it’s been a while. You forgotten how to surf, mate ?
    “Ha ha , yeah mate . It’s been so bloody long he’s forgotten.”
    Ben stands at the water’s edge with a grin as wide as I’ve seen. There are six of them packed tightly on the break, on the southern end of Bennett’s, south of the surf shed. Weathered and sun-washed, they own the beach because they’re here. Ben grabs his board and paddles belly-down through the waves to his school mates out the back. They jeer and laugh and I know for sure I’ll never be included in the Boy’s Club. I have absolutely no desire to be either. There’s too much testosterone riding the pretty curling waves. I watch them, perched waiting for the perfect set to wash through. Their hair’s dry so they’ve been there a while, watching waves pass them by.
    The sun rises further into the blue and summer swimmers dot the beach between the flags. Body boards are strapped to ankles, and sand tents pop up like pimples on a teenager. I grab my board and paddle out.
    The water’s cold. I keep my distance from the guys, preferring to give them a wide berth on the waves. They never hassle me, ever, probably because I’m Ben’s sister so they wouldn’t dare, but I prefer to stay well out of their way. I watch Ben on a wave peeling to the right, cutting low before it hollows out to whitewash. Then he’s back on his belly and duck-diving so deep he must be hitting sand. He surfaces close by.
    “Come on,” he says with a grin. And we paddle out together.
    The beach is a chaotic mess of people now jostling for position. And Ben’s mates are calling it a morning.
    “It’s too bloody busy, mate .”
    “ Yeah mate , I’ve had enough. The wind’s starting to chop it up anyway, boys.”
    “Hope I can find my way to the car through that faarkin’ hornet’s nest.”
    “You comin’ in, Benno, or hangin’ with your sister?”
    “Gonna hang a while, guys. Catch ya later,” he says. “Gotta make the most of it.”
    “Yeah, too right mate. You’ve lost your edge.” They laugh together in deep-throated harmonies.
    I watch them leave. Brown and muscle-bound, with hair bleached light in the salt and the sun. They’re backslapping each other and laughing like they haven’t a care in the world, but they must because people do. Ben paddles for a wave and misses it, slow on the crest before it curls in on itself, rolling fast and white to the shore.
     
    ***
     
    Family dinnertime and the river reflects the sky in vivid hues of fire. It’s glassy and clear and I never tire of it. Dad heats the barbecue and even though the meat hasn’t hit the hotplate yet, the charcoal-scent of food is remnant from last week.
    “Set the table, Sam,” Mum calls. She trawls out raw oysters from the Fish Co-op and nestles a bottle of crisp French champagne into an ice bucket. Dad grabs the bottle and pops the cork, the bubbles fizzing like frothy shallows in the surf. Heat still lingers in the warm