the couch, an expectant
expression on her face. Jennifer took a deep breath as she crossed to her usual
seat. She nearly winced as she sat down. She hadn't realized before how hard
Philip had been fucking her. It was a good kind of pain, but she didn't want to
have to explain that to Rachel so she forced herself to give her
roommate a sheepish smile.
“I need some
advice,” Jennifer began slowly. “But there are some things that you need to
know first.”
“Clearly,” Rachel
said, pointedly looking at Jennifer's neck.
“You know how I
came home that day to get my passport and just told you that I'd gotten a
promotion and was flying to Japan with my boss?” Jennifer decided that it'd be
best to start at the beginning. When Rachel nodded, Jennifer continued her
story. She felt the heat rising to her face as she told her friend everything.
She talked about the sex, about how being with Philip made her feel both
aroused and confused. She told Rachel about the business part of their Tokyo
trip as well as being fucked on the plane ride back. The words spilled out of
her, becoming easier to flow past her lips with each passing moment, and Rachel
just listened.
As she finished
relaying that evening's activities, including the reasons she was wearing a
man's shirt and had hickeys decorating her throat, she fell silent and
nervously waited for her friend's verdict.
“That's – that's a
lot of information to process.” Rachel's baby blue eyes were wide. “I have to
ask, did you not tell me about this before because you thought I wouldn't
approve?”
Jennifer shrugged.
How could she explain to Rachel how much her opinion meant? Fortunately, Rachel
seemed to read all that Jennifer couldn't say in the younger woman's body
language and facial expressions.
“Jennifer, I want
you to know that no matter what, you can tell me anything, and I'll never judge
you or be disappointed in you.” Rachel's voice was firm. “Now, with that said,
I only have one more thing to tell you. It’s going to sound really cliché,
but…follow your heart.”
Okay, that hadn't
been what Jennifer had expected. She'd thought that Rachel would come up with
something deep and profound that would make everything clear. She saw now how
silly that had been.
“Let me guess,”
Rachel once again displayed her uncanny ability of knowing what Jennifer was
thinking. “You thought that by telling me, whatever I said would pretty much
tell you how to decide between Brad and Philip, but instead, I told you that
it's your heart you need to be listening to and you still don't know what your
heart wants.”
Jennifer smiled.
“Yeah, that sounds about right.” She started to say something else when her
phone rang. Her pulse jumped as she reached into her pocket. Philip?
The moment she saw
Brad's name, her heart sank. She sent the call to voicemail and put her phone
on vibrate. “It’s Brad. I'll call him later.”
“Jen,” Rachel
hesitated.
“Ask it, Rachel.”
Jennifer recognized her friend’s puzzled expression.
“It's about Brad.”
Rachel put her hand on Jennifer's knee. “Before, when you were telling me about
the proposal and I asked you if Brad’s behavior now outweighed his past
behavior, you started thinking something that made you upset.” She paused for a
moment and then asked, “Did he hit you?”
“No!” Jennifer
shook her head. “No, he never hit me. He was just... he just got mean
sometimes. How he'd talk, things he'd say to me. Remember when I said he could
be cruel? It wasn't just him calling me a name or two; he was a lot more...
descriptive than that.” Jennifer's face burned with humiliation as she shared
some of the things that Brad had said, the way he'd treated her, the very
things that she'd been thinking about that time. Again, when she was done, she
waited for Rachel to weigh in.
“I don't
understand,” Rachel said after a few minutes of silence.