Every Day is Like Doomsday Read Online Free PDF Page A

had the Dean known what he was thinking?
Elliot realized that the Dean had been reading his mind
all the way there; he had just been too wrapped up in his
own problems to realize it.
“Everyone anguishes over what they left behind
when they first get here so you are not unique. Strangely
enough it hits a lot of people right here in this spot. I
think a lot of schools must use this same tile. But other
than circumstance and experience, yes, I can hear your
thoughts.” Mr. Woon paused to grin at Elliot in the darkness and Elliot suddenly did not want to be standing here
next to this stranger who could read his mind in a place
where he knew no one and had no friends.
A moment later everything Elliot never wanted
anyone to know went skipping through his mind at once
and the more he tried not to think about it the more vivid
and detailed the memories became. He thought about
breaking his mother’s antique hand mirror and throwing
it in the trash and then lying when his dad came to ask
about it. He thought about waking up from his first wet
dream and how grossed out he was but not being able to
tell anyone about it because his dad was in D.C. and Elliot
was all alone. He thought about the time he accidentally
burned down a shed in the backyard and then blamed it
on lightning. He thought about when he masturbated to
the time the Sarah held his hand, it was more of a friendly
hand hold than a boyfriend-girlfriend hand hold but it
still affected him, the many times he masturbated to various pictures of Sarah, from the pool at summertime in her
bikini, that time she wore that sweater that was kind of
see through and that other time she wore a t-shirt with a
really thin bra and that time…
“Stop it,” the Dean said and held up his hands. “I
understand that you’re an oversexed adolescent but I do
not feel like reveling in the pathetic nature of your nonconquests.”
“Sorry,” Elliot muttered and blushed furiously but
the more he tried not to think about humiliating things
the more they ran through his mind in blazing Technicolor and THX sound.
“Stop trying not to think about anything. Simply redirect your thoughts elsewhere. Like this elevator.
Here’s how you use it.” He pushed the button and the
doors opened. Dean Woon slid aside an old fashioned
metal gate that folded up like an accordion and motioned
for Elliot to step inside. Elliot noted that there were five
dingy yellowed buttons for the four floors and a basement. Mr. Woon closed the gate then pushed the button
for the fourth floor. “This will be your floor. Let’s discuss
your roommate.”
Elliot’s face fell. Well, it really didn’t fall because
if it fell any farther it would have tumbled down the
elevator shaft and into the basement. “I have to have a
roommate?”
“Yes. You’re a new student. New students have
roommates.”
“What’s he like?”
“His name is Vlad.”
Elliot sputtered, “As in the impaler?”
“No. Just Vlad. He is from Romania and if you ask
me the whole ‘Vlad’thing is a little cliché but he refuses to
change his name. He doesn’t speak English very well but
he won’t try to impale you on a spike. Unless, of course,
you try to change the channel while he’s watching TV.
He’s always watching TV and chances are you’ll always
want to change the channel. But he considers it research,
so don’t touch it.”
“Why will I want to change the channel all the
time?” Elliot asked, not at all comforted by Mr. Woon’s
attempt at making Vlad seem not creepy.
“From what I’ve heard he mostly watches old episodes of Barney so unless you’re more twisted than I think
you are you’ll want to change the channel.”
“Point taken.”
The elevator arrived after much clanking and motor
sounds and general scariness. Elliot resigned himself to
taking the stairs after this and hoped that he never had to
be in this elevator again. They got out on the fourth floor
and turned right. They walked