Ethan, Who Loved Carter Read Online Free PDF

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    Someone behind Ethan cleared his throat. Ethan turned away from the mirror and saw Carter standing in his doorway. Carter looked great! He wore Bermuda shorts and a pair of flip-flops. His T-shirt said “Chris Isaak” and had a guitar on it. It was tight across his chest, so Ethan could tell Carter had broad, strong muscles, even though he was a small guy. He hoped Carter would take his shirt off at the beach.
    “Hi!” Hurrying over, Ethan gave Carter a hug. Carter felt warm, probably because he’d been outside. The back of his neck was red, like a sunburn, but it faded when Ethan let go.
    “Your mom said you were up here. Can I come in?” Carter asked. He tapped the doorjamb twice, treating it with his music. Ethan liked that Carter brought his music into his room.
    “Yeah. Do you like my room?” Ethan picked his shirt up off his bed and pulled it on. It was green like his swim trunks.
    “It’s great.” Carter came in and sat down on the bed. Ethan thought about what he wanted to show Carter first, but Carter looked serious and it made Ethan feel shy. He looked for his favorite CD in his desk because Carter would like that.
    “Do you have everything you need for the beach?” Carter asked.
    “Yes.” Ethan only paid half-attention to the question. He was always in charge of his things, but people still asked.
    “I was just making conversation. I wasn’t asking to check up on you or anything.”
    “Oh. Sorry.”
    “It’s okay.” Carter started humming. It sounded nice. Ethan hummed too. He liked having a friend he could sing with. He turned around with his CD and kissed Carter on the lips.
    Carter pushed Ethan away with his hands on Ethan’s shoulders. He didn’t push hard, but Ethan got the point. Carter didn’t want to be kissed, even though Carter had kissed him yesterday, and they’d been singing together then. He backed away and stood with his arms crossed. He wanted Carter to go, but then Carter twitched his neck. Ethan counted five twitches in total. Ethan tapped out the rhythm on his leg. Then he looked at Carter’s face and it was scrunched up and miserable.
    “Are you okay?” Ethan glanced at the door. Maybe Mom would know what to do.
    “I’m fuh… f-fine. Just guh-g-give me a second.” Carter squeezed his eyes shut until the twitches stopped. Sweat that hadn’t been there before glistened on Carter’s forehead. He wiped it away with his arm. “Ethan, yesterday, I shouldn’t have kissed you. I got carried away and I’m sorry.”
    “I liked that you kissed me,” Ethan said.
    Carter wiped his face. “You did?”
    Sitting beside him, Ethan touched Carter’s leg. “Yeah.”
    Carter slapped the bed sheet. Ethan jumped, but it was Carter’s music coming out when Carter didn’t want it to. He shoved his hand under his leg. Ethan chewed his lip. Maybe if Carter understood him, they could kiss again. “When I was eighteen, I was rollerblading and a car hit me.” Ethan didn’t like to talk about it because it gave people expectations that he would get back to how he used to be if he tried hard enough. “I had therapy,” he said, in order to cut Carter’s thoughts off from going in that direction, “for a long time, but I don’t anymore. This is how I am now.”
    “Well, I like you the way you are,” Carter said.
    “You would have liked me Before too.” He was protective of his old self—what little he could remember—even if it was like thinking of a different person.
    “I’m sure I would have,” Carter said. He pulled his hand from beneath his leg. It sat quiet on his knee. “Ethan, do you think we’re boyfriends?”
    “You kissed me.” Let Carter try to deny that.
    “Being someone’s boyfriend is more complicated than that.”
    “I like you.” People always made things more difficult than they were.
    “I like you too,” Carter said.
    Ethan uncrossed his arms, but only because it was easier to make fists if they were at his side. “It’s not