nearly as much as some people back home made out and there was plenty of potential for warm summer days. Today was one of those days.
Vicky’s house had a few trees at the bottom end of the garden and they were doing a brilliant job of blocking the breeze that would have made the garden a little too cold for comfort. Instead, I stood outside and bathed in the warm sun directly overhead while I watched Vicky pace up and down the patio.
“Did you know?” she asked without turning to look at me. “Did you know our parents were going to get married when we slept together?”
“Of course I didn’t,” I replied. “Did you know?”
“Ew, no of course not.”
“Just checking. You were the one who approached me after all. It could have been some weird game to stop your dad marrying my mom. Is that it? Are you going to spring this news on ‘daddy’ at some point and hope he calls off the wedding?”
“Oh yes, I’m just looking for the right time,” Vicky said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Dad, I know you think you’ve met the woman of your dreams, but you should know that I had a wild night in bed with your new step-son.”
“I very much doubt that Sheri is the woman of Roy’s dreams. She’s usually only found in men’s nightmares.”
“You should call him Royston. He hates Roy. Anyway, your mom’s lovely. I wish you wouldn’t talk about her like that. I don’t know how she had the misfortune to have a son like you, but that can’t be helped.”
“I’m a lovely son,” I said. “I never get in her way and that’s all she really wants from me.”
“Well you heard them—you’re going to need to be on your best behavior now. That means no more chasing a different woman every night. You might want to return that big box of condoms you just bought; see if they’ll give you a refund.”
“Don’t tell me you’re jealous, sweetheart?” I never went anywhere without condoms, but when I’d been digging around in my bag for my train ticket, I noticed I’d left the damn things at the London penthouse. The first stop on the way to this house—following Sheri’s awful directions that got me lost more than once—was to pick up some more condoms, or “Johnnies” as the locals seemed to call them.
She cringed and shivered even though she couldn’t possibly have been cold standing in the sun in her buttoned-up blouse.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said. “I just don’t want you bringing a different drunken slut back here every night.”
“I don’t always screw drunk sluts.” I walked up close enough to smell the coconut fragrance in her hair, presumably left behind by her choice of shampoo. “Sometimes I fuck sober virgins. You should know all about that.”
“I wasn’t a… never mind. Just try not to harass all the young women in this town. London’s a big place, but Windsor isn’t. You’ll get a reputation for yourself and that reputation will rub off on this family.”
“You don’t think very highly of me do you?” I asked.
“No. In fact, I think very little ,” she looked down at my penis, “of you. Very little indeed.”
Cheap shot, Vicky. If she was going to insult me, she should at least be realistic about it. She might go her whole life without taking a cock as big as mine inside her again.
“I’ll have you know, I do not go around harassing women at all. They come to me and if they meet my criteria then I consider letting them come home with me.”
“Oh I’m sorry, I guess I got you all wrong. You’re really just screwing these women to be nice. How noble of you. I’m surprised you don’t go around wearing white armor.”
I shrugged. “Gets a bit hot in the summer. Would you rather I was one of those sleazy guys who rubs himself against random girls in nightclubs until some desperate soul takes the bait? My way’s a lot better and less likely to cause offense, don’t you think?”
My unique approach to getting laid had come about entirely by