Emma Barry Read Online Free PDF Page A

canted toward her, his blue eyes lit with the fire burning within him — the fire he seemed only to be able to douse. “Don’t you agree?”
    She pursed her lips and spoke precisely, knowing he would not appreciate the specificity of her language. “That slavery is a stain that must be eradicated? Aye, I do. But must it be by war?
That
is a force that cannot be contained or controlled. I know loss, as do you, and that knowledge will proliferate ’ere the guns are stilled. You may be right but, Theo, I fear for us all.”
    The words might be of politics and war, but this was a conversation about why things hadn’t changed between them in two years. His core was racked with passion but his actions too restrained. She was all caution and practicality. A fine pair they were.
    “There are times when war is necessary,” he was saying, the all-too-familiar fervor still in his voice and face. “Millions are in bondage. ‘The crimes of this guilty land will never be purged away but with blood.’”
    “Don’t quote John Brown to me,” she snapped, no longer able to pretend this was not personal. “I taught Mrs. Stowe before it was fashionable to do so. But don’t act so sanguine about the trail of blood that led from Kansas to Harpers Ferry and which is poised to overwhelm the nation. If we let go of the very things that make us human, there is no telling where this ends — if it ends. War is a hungry beast. Who will feed it?”
    Theo nodded, processing her words. He sipped his soda water and turned to stare out on Main Street. Then, with a coolness that dashed all the delicate longings in her stomach, he said, “I detest sitting here uselessly knowing I could be elsewhere doing
something
.”
    She sighed, a deep, defeated loosening of breath. With those words — so accurate and so daft — the hope that he might have changed vanished, leaving her empty and peeved. Her jaw set and she swallowed.
    With as much patience as she could muster, she said, “Long have I encouraged you to act on your ambitions. But today, I ask what you will do if you enlist but find yourself no more convinced of your usefulness.”
    “I feel more certain I will never act at all than that I could act and remain … ”
    “In a state of
ennui
?”
    “As you say, Margaret.”
    He smiled at her with something in his face, the lines around his eyes crinkled with warmth and affection. She felt an overwhelming desire to box his ears, the foolish, adorable man.
    Instead, she told him the truth, as directly as she could, knowing it would extinguish the hope she wanted to believe in but couldn’t. “Your mother will agree to your enlistment eventually, I have no doubt. Whether you will remain frozen is, as it ever was, up to you.”
    • • •
    Theo wasn’t sure what had happened. One minute he was watching Margaret’s lips. He experienced her voice as much as heard it. It was low, musical, husky, and enthralling. Had she always sounded so? The cadence vibrated through his body, awakening every nerve. He hadn’t felt this attentive in years. His life was a pale imitation of itself without Margaret in it.
    There was too much space between them, however. A week ago, he’d been able to hold her. This afternoon it was all propriety and distance. For the first time in memory, he wished someone would announce there was to be a dance.
    Then he understood what she’d said and everything went silent.
    Into the void came his startled voice. “Pardon?”
    Margaret sighed as if his request taxed her. “The source of the lethargy is not your mother or Josiah Trinkett. It’s you. If you want your life to change, Theo, change it.”
    “Are you saying I’m a coward?”
    “No. I’m saying you have become accustomed to stasis, so much so you’ve forgotten you are capable of achievement. If you wish to act, act.”
    Theo took another sip of his soda water. He could feel his shoulders harden and his hands close into fists due to her words. The