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die happy,” replied Krueger, giving his date a kiss. She jumped into his arms, wrapping all eight limbs around Krueger as he carried her out the door. “You’re so hot, you can terrorize me any day.”
    Wayne, intertwined with his new love, waved down a taxi. “To the Nest of Spies!” he ordered the cabbie. “Make it fast!”
     
     
    * * * * *
     
     
     
    “I am so excited!” gushed Wayne’s new girlfriend as they arrived at the front gate of the American Embassy. They were confronted by Corporal Tonelli and Private Johnson.
    “Those two may not enter,” advised Guido. “No way in hell it’s going to happen.”
    “It’s Saturday night, and Czerinski has his two favorite legionnaires doing guard duty,” taunted Krueger. “Why am I not surprised? How’s it hanging, Skyhook?”
    “I will personally kick Czerinski’s ass for tricking me into joining the Legion,” groused Private Johnson. “Look at this uniform. It doesn’t even fit!” Skyhook held up sleeves that pulled up to his elbow.
    “Maybe a spider uniform would fit better,” suggested Krueger. “Open the gate!”
    “Spider civilians are not allowed inside without a pass,” insisted Guido. “Especially drunk female spiders.”
    “These two spider hotties want to trash Czerinski” office,” advised Krueger in a hushed conspiratorial tone. “Come on, call it payback.”
    Guido nodded to Corporal Wayne. “I can understand Krueger being this stupid, but what’s your excuse?”
    “It seemed like a good idea at the time,” replied Corporal Wayne, sheepishly. “They are hot, and twins. What do you care if we have some fun in Czerinski’s office? I will owe you one.”
    “You may pass,” announced Skyhook, pressing the button that opened the front gate. “Trash Czerinski’s office good. Loose a nasty spider mess on his chair for me.”
    Krueger and Wayne pushed past Guido with their dates in tow. Guido only gave a mild protest, resigned to the fact they would all probably be shot for treason in the morning.
    Krueger kicked in the office door, rolling onto his commander’s desk with his wild yellow spider clutching him with all eight limbs. The entire sordid affair was recorded by a security camera and broadcast by hackers on the Galactic Database and the Spider TV Playboy Channel.
     
     
    * * * * *
     
     
     
    At company formation the next morning, Master Sergeant Green reviewed the troops. Sergeant Green was not happy, with even more of an edge in his voice than usual. “Privates Wayne and Krueger, front and center!” he ordered.
    Wayne and Krueger hustled to the front of the formation, standing at attention. Wayne said nothing. He knew.
    “Excuse me, Master Sergeant Green, but I’m a corporal,” advised Krueger.
    “Shut up, you little piss-ant fool!” yelled Sergeant Green as he tore off Krueger’s stripes. “Both of you screw-ups are assigned permanently to KP punishment detail. I hope your little party last night was worth it!”
     
     
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    Chapter 5
     
     
     
    During my office clean-up, I found an alien listening device. Scans located several more. After reviewing the video, I returned to the Flaming Mantidae, searching for the two female spider spies. It was early, and the tavern was starting to fill up. The spider bartender slid me my usual drink.
    “Want to buy a toaster?” I asked, hoping to trade a toaster for free drinks.
    “I already own one of your worthless human pestilence bread burners,” groused the spider bartender. “My wife loves it. I hate toast. Toast is too dry. True males should eat meat, the bloodier the better.”
    “Try putting jam on your toast,” I suggested. “I foresee the day when every modern household on Arthropoda has a General Electric toaster in its kitchen.”
    “I feel like we are being invaded by you human pestilence.” “How’s the action tonight?” I asked, changing the subject. “Any hot babes?” “None