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a ghost, what then?”
    The twin hesitated, having seen the top secret video, too. She doubted this sergeant had actually viewed anything of the sort. “Rumors spread by cowards like you!” she accused. “You whine and frighten like a hatchling.” The twin followed the marines back to their tunnels. “You have not heard the last of this. Cowards, all of you!”
     
     
    * * * * *
     
     
     
    I hung the yellow spider from a hook on the ceiling of the interrogation cell, watching in fascination as she swung back and forth, scratching and clawing at the hook, struggling to free herself.
    “Resistance is futile!” I announced in my deepest authoritative voice. I poked her with a stick, causing the spider to swivel round and round. “What was your mission?”
    “To become as drunk and disorderly as possible?” cried the blond spider. “Why are you being so mean?” “You bugged my office. What did you hope to accomplish by that? What information did you seek?” “Oh, lots of secrets, I suppose. You are a real party-pooper, Czerinski.” “Tell me the specifics of your mission, or I will cut off your spider legs and arms, and let you nub around on the floor like a slug,” I threatened, holding up a pair of hedge clippers. “I mean it!”
    “You would not dare,” she replied, pouting. “What’s a slug?” “She’s just a dumb blond,” offered Sergeant Green. “This is going nowhere.” “I heard that! I am smarter than I look!” “Prove it by telling me all you know about the Intelligentsia’s operation to penetrate this embassy,” I demanded, clipping the air with my hedge trimmers. “Talk!”
    “Okay, I will talk!” cried the yellow spider as I nipped off the tip of an antenna. “Ouch! I will tell you everything! We have a sewer intercept that captures your flushings. The Intelligentsia has been analyzing your shit for years. They found out your shit is flaky!”
    “Those bastards!” commented Sergeant Green, pacing back and forth. “What else?” I pressed. “When Santa Claus tries to land on your roof this Christmas, there are plans to shoot him down, along with his vermin reindeer.” “I thought so,” added Sergeant Green. “This is insane. The Intelligentsia is trying to start a war with their constant provocations.”
    “Not good enough,” I announced, tapping on her exoskeleton with the clippers. “We already knew about your plot to kill Mr. Claus. Have you viewed American Satellite TV infomercials demonstrating how these clippers perfectly slice and dice even the toughest vegetables?”
    “Wait!” cried the spider spy, finally sobering. “The Emperor himself ordered the Intelligentsia find out about your paranormal warfare program.”
    “Ghosts?” I asked. “There is no such thing.” “We have orders to capture your Grim Reaper.” “What do you know of the Grim Reaper?” asked Sergeant Green, grabbing the spider spy by the neck and shaking. “I know you human pestilence brought evil personified with you across the stars,” replied the spy. “Thanatos was on New Colorado, and now he is here, lurking in the underground.”
    Worried, I turned to Sergeant Green. “Get that other spider up here now. This is going to take some sorting out.”
    I cut the yellow spider down and removed her shackles. We were alone in the room now. “See? I can be reasonable, if you cooperate. Are you hungry?”
    “Yes, I am famished!” she blurted out, obviously relieved that she would not die on the hook. I poured a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. “I’m sorry, but all we have down here is air raid shelter supplies.” “Oh, look!” exclaimed the yellow spider, seeming eager to please. “Donut seeds. I love donut seeds!” “The prisoner has escaped!” interrupted Sergeant Green over the intercom. “She broke out through a spider tunnel.”
 
     
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    Chapter 6
     
     
     
    Welcome to Walmart, Colonel Czerinski,” said the