Elizabeth C. Main - Jane Serrano 01 - Murder of the Month Read Online Free PDF Page B

rich. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw this couch, but come on! Just how much incense have you been inhaling, Bianca? And you talk about my brain being pickled by cigarette smoke.”
    “ That’s not fair,” Bianca retorted. “Incense clears the mind, expands your ability to—”
    “ Don’t start that again,” Alix said, wiping her eyes, “not when I’m enjoying the best laugh I’ve had in months.”
    “ This isn’t funny.” Minnie’s distress was palpable. “That poor man … oh, Alix, how could you?”
    “ How could I? I’m not the one with some cuckoo notion, accusing our esteemed district attorney of …” Once again, laughter overcame her.
    “ Well,” Minnie began uncertainly, “Bianca, you really shouldn’t … I mean, I don’t want to sound harsh, dear, but …” She trailed off. Though Minnie always put the best face on a situation, this one was stretching even her considerable abilities. The vigor with which her scarves fluttered attested to the degree of her agitation, but as always, her voice was kind as she attempted to explain to Bianca just why it was that nice people didn’t go around accusing other nice people of murder. She finished with a hopeful question. “Perhaps you were only making a little joke?”
    “ This is no joke!” Alix said. “Let’s not forget that the dog growled.” Like an over-zealous attorney in a courtroom drama, she pointed a manicured finger at Wendell, whereupon the dog crawled out from under the table, wagging his tail and hoping for more food. “As you can see, Wendell is not a dog that normally growls, so, just like Mr. Pibbs—”
    “ Mr. Potts,” Bianca interjected. “Well, actually it was Bipsy who first heard the growling dog—”
    “ Doesn’t matter,” Alix said. “The dog growled and that solved the entire case.”
    “ No, it didn’t. It just pointed the way to the solution,” Bianca said. “I wish you’d stop making fun of them. They’re more interesting than the so-called detectives in those boring religious mysteries. Rabbi Small just sits around and thinks until he finds the killer. Or how about that Jesuit priest?”
    “ Father Mark Townsend,” Alix said. “What’s wrong with him?”
    “ Nothing, probably, but how much excitement can a priest bring to a mystery?”
    “How about Travis McGee?” Tyler asked.
    “Right,” Bianca agreed. “The John D. MacDonald character. From what you’ve already told us, he can’t step off his houseboat without getting mixed up with slimy Florida land developers. Probably lots more action, but who wants to read about those horrible people? Nobody is as disgusting as that!”
    “ You should meet my ex-husbands,” Alix offered. “I’ll bet the slimy land developers have better morals than those losers.”
    “ You’re missing the point,” Bianca said.
    “ Oh, really?” Alix asked.
    As Alix and Bianca continued to argue—with Minnie continuing her fruitless attempts at mediation—my thoughts drifted to possible silver linings in this ludicrous situation. At least they were arguing about fictional murders instead of Bianca’s latest brainstorm. Besides, it was nice to see that something had broken through Tyler’s usually bland exterior. His head swiveled as he followed the volleys in the verbal tennis match before him. Also, for once Alix was participating. Never before had I seen her put down her ever-present cigarette and enter into a conversation with such relish. Even Wendell had abandoned his quest for crumbs and joined the group, wagging his tail and encouraging first one combatant and then the other as the argument raged.
    I mentally constructed a score sheet, giving one point for a wisecrack, two for a remark that would cause an opponent to screech, and three for a direct hit that would cause someone to leap over the coffee table in fury. Suddenly, the room went silent. Was it over? Had someone gone for the jugular while I was setting up the rules? Nope,