Live for the Day Read Online Free PDF Page A

his face in his neck. He pressed his body close, trying to embrace the fear inside Steven away. To let him know Michael wasn’t going any damn where.
    “Fuck, even if I wasn’t into you that way I’d still hang out with you,” Michael said, words muffled, his mouth touching Steven’s skin. “We’re so close—how the hell could I not be in your life? It’s always been me and you. Always will be.”
    He didn’t voice his fears about Steven returning to active duty. He couldn’t tell him that he was frequently in a state of anxiety while Steven was away, panic humming ominously in the recesses of his mind, in his body, which had him on edge, unable to get a good night’s sleep. His movements were jerky by day, as though tension pulled unseen strings attached to his arms and legs. Someone had asked him recently if he was on drugs because he twitched so bad.
    Steven’s arms around him felt so right. Yeah, they’d hugged before, but not like this. This was different, emotions lending their contact a fiercer edge. Michael experienced a second or two of frantic terror that if Steven went back, he wouldn’t ever come home again.
    “I dreamed of this in hospital.” Steven rubbed his cheek back and forth against Michael’s head. Held him closer. Tighter. “And I thought… I thought I’d never get to do it for real. That imagining was all I’d ever get.”
    “You can have more than this, if you want?”
    Michael held his breath. Even though he knew they were a proper couple now—and they were, weren’t they?—this was scary shit. Going from friends to something more was…yeah, like he’d thought, scary shit. They’d both wanted this, but to actually have it—it blew his mind. If he pinched himself, would he feel pain?
    “I want more but have no idea how to get it.” Steven gave Michael a squeeze. “Let me rephrase that. I know how to get it, but, like I told you, I’ve never done anything before. Sex stuff. It’s an exciting but frightening prospect, you know?” His laugh came out more like a wry huff. “Most people have kissed in their teens. Then there’s me…”
    “It’s not as daunting as you think, trust me.” Although a part of Michael was glad he’d kissed someone before, he was sad his first attempt hadn’t been with Steven. Okay, he’d imagined he’d been kissing Steven at the time, but that wasn’t the same. “I’m a bit nervous myself, if that makes you feel better.”
    “Teach me?”
    Fuck, Steven had sounded so unsure, as if he thought Michael would refuse.
    “We can teach each other.” Michael lifted his head to look at Steven. The worry in his friend’s eyes just about did him in. “I’m hardly a fucking Casanova, man.”
    “Just do it.” Steven closed his eyes. He shook slightly, his breathing irregular. “Just kiss me.”
    Michael closed his eyes too. With instinct guiding him, he sought Steven’s mouth, finding it first time. He pressed their lips together, just giving a peck to ease Steven into it. He kissed his top lip, then the bottom, alternating between them until Steven’s breathing sounded more even. Running his hands up and down Steven’s back, he kissed some more, relief plowing through him as Steven relaxed. Steven’s mouth parted, and Michael tentatively licked the seam, lightly, no rushing.
    “Fuck…” Steven said, the word shaky.
    Michael slid his tongue inside, the tip meeting with Steven’s. It gave Michael a jolt, and his cock expanded, straining with his need. Shit, he just wanted to climb inside Steven and know all of him—his thoughts, his dreams, how he was feeling right now.
    Steven moved his tongue and it pushed Michael’s libido into want-you-so-much-it-hurts mode. He resisted going too fast and scaring Steven off, but Steven swirled his tongue over Michael’s, setting a new pace that had nothing to do with being scared and everything to do with desire. Jeez, they were really doing this. Kissing and touching and doing what lovers