Drawn to a Vampire Read Online Free PDF Page B

Alone in the woods?  Hunting animals?  A savage? 
    Well, a savage, surely I was. 
    I got up and walked mutely back to my bag.  And there I sat, wallowing in my grief, until dawn started to approach.  To ward off terrible thirst striking again I went and hunted some game.  I drank the blood of three deer, managing to preserve the lives only of the second two.  And then I slept the daylight away.
    So much time passed in this manner. Days and nights came and went, and I became progressively dirtier and dirtier.  And my guilt turned into a deep depression and loneliness.  I wondered about my family and friends.  What they were thinking.  What they were going through.  Whether I was labelled missing.  Whether they all thought I was dead.  Whether they knew it was me who had done those things, or whether they thought me a victim too.  I felt a great guilt inside.  I had no home, no connections.  I had gone from being surrounded by people and feeling alone, to being truly alone. 
    How I wanted to kick my former self. 
    To tell myself how lucky I’d been. How fortunate.  How I shouldn’t have been so reckless.  How I should have just stopped.  Taken a deep breath.  Slowed down.  For then I had been human.  And now I was a monster. 
    Destined to be lonely for ever.
    Autumn arrived.  I started to accept what I’d become, what I’d done, and that I couldn’t take it back.  I also knew I couldn’t go on in this manner.  I hadn’t talked to another human being in way too long.  I had seen humans, spied on them while hiding in the trees, but I had kept myself away.  For one thing, I didn’t know if I could be trusted.  I had mastered the act of feeding from animals and only taking a little from each one, not enough to seriously harm them, or so I hoped, but I hadn’t yet been tested on humans.  What if it was different?  What if I killed again? 
    The other reason I couldn’t show myself (apart from the obvious fear of discovery), was shame. I had seriously let myself go, my hair had become matted and dread-like, my skin smeared in dirt and dried blood.  But I knew I couldn’t live with this loneliness forever … I knew my chances of ever seeing Luca again were slim.  But I longed for that connection. 
    I wanted to meet a man, someone I could talk to and be intimate with.  Someone who would make me forget about Luca. 
    It was time to test myself.  But before I could do that I needed to get myself sorted, to do something about my appearance.  I still had all the things I’d taken from my home, unused in the bag I carted from wood to wood, and it was time to put these things to good use.  By this point my rucksack was definitely on the scruffy side, but at least I hadn’t discarded it in one of my fits of rage.  Inside my belongings were untouched.  It felt strange looking through them, like rekindling a connection to my past.  My previous life.  I wasn’t ready to look at the photographs I’d brought, so I tucked those at the back and rummaged for shampoo, conditioner, moisturiser and makeup.  And the all important hairbrush.  Brushing my matted hair was a task I wasn’t looking forward to in the least. 
    I also pulled out a small towel and some clean clothes.  I’d found a gentle stream, deep enough to submerge myself to my waist, and perched beside it in the moonlight.  The water sparkled softly and I let my eyes settle on the moon’s reflection as it rippled in the current. 
    I felt serene. 
    At peace with what I’d become for the first time. 
    I felt ready to take the next step, like I was at a junction in my life and things could only change from here on in.
    I stripped off my clothes and stood on the stream bank.  Naked, exposed.  I shivered, but out of a habit from the past, as I was not cold.  I guess that was part of my transformation.  So many things I felt more extremely, experienced with clarity.  Not temperature.  I didn’t crave the heat of the