Double Fudge Read Online Free PDF Page A

asked.
    "Whatever you want him to say."
    Richie thought about it. Then he said, "Zoopideezop."
    Uncle Feather just stood there, his head cocked to one side.
    "Try something else," Fudge said. "He likes real words. Especially bad words."
    So Richie said all the bad words he knew but Uncle Feather wasn't impressed.
    "You try," Richie told Fudge.
    "What's up?" Fudge asked Uncle Feather. Usually Uncle Feather answers, "Whassup... whassup... whassup ..." But this time, nothing.
    "What's wrong?" I asked Uncle Feather. "Cat got your tongue?"
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    I wouldn't say that in front of Tootsie or she'd start meowing. But Tootsie was taking her afternoon nap.
    "Don't tease him, Pete!"
    "I'm not teasing him. I'm trying to get him to talk."
    "He's not in the mood," Fudge said. "Come on, Richie, let's get a snack."
    I followed them to the kitchen. Mom was still in her whites from work.
    "Are you a doctor?" Richie asked.
    "No," Mom said, "a dental hygienist."
    "One of my grandpas is a very famous neurosurgeon," Richie said. "He fixes brains."
    "We know this girl who fell off her bike," Fudge said, "and her brains came out her ears."
    "My grandpa could have put them back in," Richie said.
    "Too bad she didn't know your grandpa," Fudge said.
    "What's he talking about?" I asked Mom.
    Mom shrugged and rolled her eyes as if she was wondering the same thing. Then she said, "Would you boys like a snack?"
    "Yes, please," Richie answered. "I'll have broccoli."
    "Broccoli," Mom repeated.
    "Yes, please," Richie said. "I'd like lightly steamed florets."
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    Mom seemed really surprised. "I don't think we have any broccoli in the house, but we do have carrots."
    "Carrots are good," Richie said. "Dipped in either hummus or tahini."
    Now Mom was really surprised. "We don't have hummus or tahini. But we have peanut butter and that tastes a lot like tahini."
    "Don't you have a cook?" Richie asked.
    "No, I'm afraid we don't," Mom said.
    "Oh, I'm sorry," Richie said. "I didn't know you were poor."
    "We're hardly poor." Mom said, serving him a bowl of baby carrots with a side of peanut butter. "We just don't have a cook."
    Fudge watched as Richie took a carrot and swirled it in peanut butter. "Can I have peanut butter and banana?" he asked Mom.
    "You know where the bananas are," she told him, pouring them each a glass of milk. "You can help yourself."
    "Carrots are hard to eat with loose teeth," Richie told Fudge, as he wiggled his front top tooth. "Soon I'll look like you."
    "What do you mean?" Fudge asked.
    Richie pointed to his mouth. "No teeth on top."
    That's when it dawned on me that Fudge's classmates
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    are finally catching up to him. They're losing their teeth.
    "Know how much I got from the tooth fairy when I lost my first tooth?" Richie asked.
    "How much?" Fudge said.
    "Twenty dollars. And that was just from the tooth fairy. My grandma gave me another twenty and my twin uncles gave me twenty apiece."
    Eighty dollars a tooth! I was thinking.
    "How much did I get, Mom?" Fudge asked.
    "Well, Fudge ..." Mom began, "you didn't lose your teeth in the usual way."
    "How'd he lose them?" Richie asked.
    "He was trying to fly off the top of the climbing bars," I said.
    "Fly?" Richie asked.
    "He was only three," Mom explained.
    "So what happened?" Richie asked.
    "What do you think?" I answered. "He crash-landed and knocked out his top front teeth."
    "But I didn't lose them," Fudge said. "I swallowed them."
    "At least that's what we think happened," Mom said. "We're really not sure."
    "So no tooth fairy came?" Richie asked.
    "Mom ..." Fudge began, "how come the tooth fairy..."
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    Mom answered quickly. "You were so young when you lost your teeth the tooth fairy put your money in the bank."
    I gave Mom a look. She shot me one right back.
    "So that means I have money in the bank?" Fudge asked.
    "You certainly do."
    "How much?"
    "Let's talk about it later," Mom said.
    "My mom doesn't like to talk about money," Fudge told Richie.
    "My mom loves to talk about money,"