Djinn Rummy Read Online Free PDF Page A

over France way, and -’
    â€˜Three weeks I’ve been with her now,’ Kiss continued, absent-mindedly finishing off his companion’s peanuts, ‘and what have we done? Go on, guess. You’ll never guess what we’ve done.’
    â€˜Probably not.’
    â€˜Nothing.’ Kiss scowled. ‘Absolutely bugger-all. Not proper genie stuff, anyway. It’s all been ironing and shampooing the carpets and would you mind just running a duster over the sitting-room table? The score so far: ruby eyes of gods stolen, nil. Spirits of the dead raised, nil. Tail-feathers of firebirds plucked, nil. Hairs from the beard of the Great Cham abstracted, nil. Ankle-socks paired, fourteen. Potatoes peeled, thirty-two. Any more of this and I’m going to appeal to the Tribunal, because it really isn’t on. Have another?’
    His companion glanced at his wrist (genies don’t need watches but are nevertheless creatures of habit). ‘Since you’re offering,’ he replied. ‘Just the one, mind, because I’ve got wealth beyond the dreams of avarice to fetch tomorrow, and you’ve got to keep a clear head for these fiddly little jobs.’
    Kiss nodded and went to the bar.

    â€˜Two large djinns and tonic,’ he said, ‘ice and lemon in one.’
    The bottle on the counter rocked backwards and forwards as if nodding, unstoppered itself and poured liquor into two glasses. Please note: customers who find they’ve left their money at home when dining at Saheed’s don’t just get away with doing the washing-up.
    â€˜Sounds like you’ve got yourself a right little ray of sunshine, ’ his companion observed, as Kiss brought back the drinks. ‘What was that bit you said about further wishes?’
    Kiss explained, again. His companion shook his head.
    â€˜I’m not sure about that,’ he said, ‘not sure at all. You should get the union rep to have a look at that for you. I mean, there must be something wrong with it, or else we’d all be in the smelly.’
    â€˜Lousy precedent,’ Kiss agreed.
    â€˜Diabolical. They could take it up as a test case.’
    â€˜You reckon?’
    â€˜Worth a try.’ His companion emptied his glass, wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his sixth arm, and stood up. ‘Well, be seeing you. Don’t steal any glass eyes.’
    â€˜Mind how you go,’ Kiss replied absently. His companion withdrew, and a few moments later there was a brief outburst of muffled swearing as he discovered that while he’d been inside, some practical jokers had nailed his carpet to the carpet-park floor. (For the record, he arrived back home six hours late, soaking wet and frozen stiff, having had to make the return flight on a borrowed bar towel.)
    Kiss lingered on until closing time, playing the video games in a desultory manner and beating the Dragon King of the South three times running at pool. It wasn’t just that he was in no hurry to go home; there was something
else troubling him, and he needed the noise and smashed-crockery sounds of his own kind about him in order to concentrate his mind. There was, he felt, something very odd going on, and in some way he couldn’t work out he was involved in it, indirectly and at several removes. Whatever it was, it remained shadowy and obscure, with the result that he was too preoccupied to notice that he had just beaten the Dragon King a fourth time; which is to pushing one’s luck as closing one’s eyes and taking both hands off the wheel is to motorway driving. Not very long afterwards, he was rescued in the nick of time by the bouncer and deposited outside among the dustbins, where he passed a quiet night dreaming of jacket potatoes.
    Â 
    â€˜What’s it like,’ Jane demanded, ‘being a genie?’
    They were digesting a leisurely picnic, a hundred feet or so up in the air directly above a spectacularly active volcano in the back