Diary of a Mummy Misfit #1 Read Online Free PDF Page B

powder
    Buy lice repellent shampoo
    Try not to smirk when I see NM
    Quiz Max on preferred birthday party theme
    Write invite list including PP
     
    Went to bed feeling very virtuous and a bit itchy.
     
    Thursday 29 th May  AM
     
    Bloody NM had the cheek to approach us on our way into nursery to ask Max if he would like to come to PP’s party after all as “it seems a number of children are already booked for that day!”
     
    Was just about to make a spectacle of myself and splutter something along the lines that no one treats my son as a second best substitute, when Max piped up, “That’s very kind Mrs Osbourne, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to come either as I’m busy too.  Isn’t that right mummy?”
     
    Such dignity at such a tender age. And such sneakiness!  Can’t think who he gets it from …
     
     
    PM
     
    Nic & Rick came round for pre-theatre drinks and nibbles.  Nic had a bottle of Moët under his arm so I should really have suspected something was afoot.  All was revealed when he cracked it open and dramatically announced, “Rick and I will be making it official in August - we’re going to become awfully wedded husbands!”
     
    I’m really delighted for them as I can’t imagine them not being together.  Wedding should be a real hoot too!  Nothing like a gaggle of gays to make for a riotous event.
     
    “They’re not bloody getting married, Lib.  People of the same sex cannot marry.”  Ned spouted his usual speech, after they’d left.  “They’ll be joined in a civil partnership.  It’s NOT a marriage.  People really do need to get their gay facts straight.”  He tittered a little there, pleased with his daft play on words.
     
    “Oh quit it, homophobe!”  I giggled, knowing how this always gets his goat.
     
    “I’m NOT a homophobe.  I’m not scared of them, I just don’t think it’s right.”
     
    “Then you’re a hypocrite because you’re always as nice as pie to them.”
     
    “Yeah, well they’re your friends Lib and I do like them as people.  I just have to forget about the bedroom stuff.”
     
    Knew that the conversation would end up going nowhere so asked him what he thought about us giving them one of the puppies as a ‘civil ceremony’ present - didn’t dare mention the ‘M’ word again.
     
    “Well, they have talked about getting a dog for a while I suppose,” he answered, “But I’m not so sure how I feel about one of our babies growing up with two fathers.”
     
    Was as much as I could do to stop myself throwing his dinner at him.
     
    Friday 30 th May  AM
     
    As it happens, Nic & Rick were delighted when I called this morning and suggested they choose a puppy.  Ned’s secretly relieved another one is homed and Max is happy because he’ll still get to see it as well as Fenella’s and Mrs Adams has promised that he can go to see hers.  Only two to go.  Shouldn’t be too difficult.  Think we’re now all realising that Dog ‘himself’ is here to stay.  Reckon even Ned would shed a tear if he was suddenly claimed.
     
    Saw Mrs Sengupta sweeping her front path as I left for nursery.  “Oh, Libbybeta, I was seeing that you had those funny girlie boys round last night.  You must be coming in soon for some Babycham and Barry, then you can be feeding my greed for the girlie gossip.”  Told her I’d be round for some Manilow Madness soon.  She gets so lonely and I know she’d love to hear Nic and Rick’s latest news.  Thank the Lord for broad minded geriatric Hindus.
     
    Fenella popped round for coffee while the kids were at nursery.
     
    “Just on my way back from a waxing” she informed me.  “Phew, that was long overdue.  Had to have the works - legs, pits, muff, nips, eyebrows - no stray pube or whisker was safe.  The leisure centre would have banned me for frightening small children before long!”
     
    Think it’s Fenella’s honesty I love so much!
     
    “Now, Sweedie.  I’ve got a bag of Todd’s