Diary of a Chav Read Online Free PDF Page A

to just be a faker. But I ain’t going to crawl up her arse or nothing. I ain’t no beg friend.
    Luther said it was all crap when Carrie told him the rumor at lunch. But then he gave me his cheese and chips ’cos he couldn’t eat them and didn’t say much else today at all. I hope it isn’t true. He wouldn’t be a very good baby-daddy. He can’t even remember to bring a pen most days, let alone buy nappies and stuff.
    WEDNESDAY 16TH JANUARY
    Jar Jar Binks has gone! This other woman turned up instead, who was tall and not fat but quite big. She was dressed in a black jacket and black skirt with high heels, and she had black glossy skin, lipgloss on her lips and a stern voice. She kicked open the door to the English room, then walked in carrying a box of books.
    “Year Ten, Stream Two?” she said.
    “Yeah,” we all said.
    “’Ere, are you the new substitute?” I shouted.
    The woman ignored me. She had those black-rimmed trendy glasses on that pretentious people from the middle of London wear.
    “Sit down, all of you right now and turn off your cell phones,” she said, standing behind the desk.
    We all just ignored her. Teachers always say this but they can’t take our property, ’cos that’s like theft, we know our rights. The woman leaned forward and stuck both hands down on her desk and stared at us all.
    “Get out your cell phones right now,” she said sort of calmly but dead loudly. “Put them where I can see them, then turn them all off NOW.”
    There was something about the way she said “NOW” that made me think it would be less earache to just do it. So I did. Chantalle did it too. Then Luther. Then everyone else.
    “Are you the substitute?” I shouted again. She just ignored me again.
    “My name is Ms. Bracket,” she said, then she grabbed the chalk and wrote it in capital letters on the board,
B.R.A.C.K.E.T.
    Bracket!? Like something that keeps shelves up! What does Bracket rhyme with? Spracket? Hacket? Cack hat? Not funny. I tried to think of a really rude nickname for her but I couldn’t.
    “I shall be your English teacher from now until the GCSE exams,” the woman said.
    No one said anything, not even Chantalle.
    “Fabulous shoes,” whispered Sean Burton.
    Ms. Bracket looked at Sean, then she nodded and said, “Thank you.”
    “Right — get out your
Jane Eyre
s,” said Ms. Bracket, “I want to see
Jane Eyre
by Charlotte Brontë on the desk opened at page fifty. If you haven’t got your
Jane Eyre,
I’ve got thirty copies here to borrow for the lesson. Take one, write your name there, and do it quickly.”
    We all took a copy. But it was only ’cos it was her first day and we felt sorry for her. And Kezia has been quiet ever since she heard what Latoya has been saying anyhow. And Luther was off today. And Uma was in Dominican. And Carrie likes
Jane Eyre
anyhow as she says it’s dead romantic. So that’s why we read a bit and didn’t make Ms. Bracket cry by throwing stuff at her. She won’t last long though ’cos teachers never do.
    FRIDAY 18TH JANUARY
    9 PM — Carrie has just rung me in a right state. She has just bumped into The Most Gorgeous Boy In The World Ever. Like ACTUALLY bumped into him. She rang me from the toilets in the The Spirit of Siam Chinese restaurant making a weird squealing sound, like Penny our dog does when we lock her in the living room and try and eat chips in the kitchen without her.
    Carrie and her dad Barney were in the Chinese restaurant having some food (which is what her and her dad always do on Fridays, her mum Maria goes to spinning class and Barney and Carrie go and eat something somewhere). So Carrie was getting up to go to the loo, the door opens, and it was HIM! Gorgeous bloke. Coming in with his mate to pick up some takeaway. Carrie says he had black Adidas trackie bottoms on and a black jacket and a yellow baseball cap. Carrie says he is lovely and tall and quite thin with a bit of a big nose and he SMILED AT HER as he was walking