Defy the Stars Read Online Free PDF Page A

taking him away from the wedding so
early. He said he didn’t mind. We fell silent. I didn’t want to speak. My head was still spinning, full of Flynn.
    Dad arrived within twenty minutes. He must have driven fast to have got here so quickly.
    ‘River, are you all right?’ he asked, his eyes frantic with worry as Michael and I reached the car.
    I reassured him I was fine, that it was just a tummy ache, that yes, I’d seen Flynn but we’d only exchanged a few words. Clearly relieved, Dad dropped Michael off and drove home.
    I made a huge effort once we were back at the commune to behave normally, simply saying I didn’t feel like eating. But when I went to bed that night my thoughts were, still, all of Flynn.
I hadn’t dreamed of him in ages but that night he paraded through my unconscious for hours, watching me, circling me, getting closer and closer – but never quite reaching me. The sense
of loss, when I woke at dawn, was overpowering. I buried my face in my pillow and howled with the pain of it.
    Crying helped. Once the sun was out and I was up, I felt better. It had been a shock to see Flynn, but surely the next time – if there was a next time – it would be easier.
    Grace called and I told her that being near Flynn had been harder than I’d expected but that finally, after all the long months since our break-up, I was certain the relationship was fully
in the past. I was exaggerating the level of closure I felt which made me uncomfortable – I didn’t like not being totally honest with my friend – but I was embarrassed by how
badly I’d been affected by those few minutes with Flynn. Anyway, I reasoned, it would do no good to tell Grace the unvarnished truth. She would only worry. Better to make her believe that
Flynn and I were properly, conclusively over at last.
    Maybe if I kept telling people that, I might start to believe it myself.
    I tried to convince Leo I was fine too, but with less success. I kept away from him as long as I could, but he found me down in the apple orchard on Sunday afternoon and forced the truth out of
me.
    ‘It upset you seeing him, didn’t it?’ he kept insisting.
    I denied it for several minutes, then finally admitted the whole encounter hadn’t been easy but that I didn’t want to talk about it. Leo left, looking miserable, and we hardly spoke
for the rest of the week.
    I took my final exam on Thursday and tried to forget about seeing Flynn. I had a busy life, I kept telling myself, full of things that weren’t connected with him: my exams had gone okay, I
had a social life with the handful of girls I hung out with from college and I enjoyed my waitressing job. Plus there was Grace and Dad and Gemma and my life at the commune. All these relationships
and routines were important, they gave my life structure and meaning and I clung to them as the memories of my life with Flynn washed miserably over me again and again.
    I made a big effort to talk to everyone at the commune as normal, listening to Dad and John’s chat about dealing with the upcoming ‘June drop’ in the apple orchard, buying a
few last-minute baby clothes with Gemma and making plans with Ros to try out some new bread recipes.
    The result of all this effort was that I turned up for work at the café the following Saturday feeling like seeing Flynn had been a dream. The Rainbow Café in Norton was always
busy – popular with mums during the week and families having tea out at the weekend. This Saturday was no exception. I rushed around, ferrying cakes and scones to various tables, fetching
high chairs and sweeping up broken biscuits. The couple who ran the café were nice enough – though not like the lady I had worked for in London.
    My shift finished at five p.m. and I was standing at the till with Mrs Anderson, the owner. She had just given me my wages when the door banged open. Flynn stood in the doorway. His hair, so
carefully slicked back last week, fell messily over his face and he