Defy the Stars Read Online Free PDF Page B

you.’
    ‘Guessed who was me?’
    Flynn stepped closer, filling up the space between us. ‘The girl I’ve told him about, the girl from the past.’ He paused, his eyes piercing through me. Then he lowered his
voice to a hoarse whisper. ‘The girl I’m still in love with.’

5
    For a second my insides melted at his words, at the look in his eyes. Then my anger surged back.
    ‘You have no idea who I am any more. You’re imagining a person, imagining being in love. I’m not the same as I was then,’ I said. ‘I’ve changed. You
don’t know me any more.’
    Flynn opened his mouth. I felt sure he was about to resist what I was saying, to tell me that however I was different on the surface, the connection between us was still the same . . . that I
could feel it and so could he.
    And I knew in my heart that this was true.
    But Flynn didn’t say any of that. Instead he lowered his gaze. ‘You’re right,’ he said. And there was such a depth of humility and misery in his voice that I almost wept.
‘You’re right, I don’t know you any more. But I’d like to, more than anything.’ He looked up. ‘Will you give me that chance, River? Will you let me get to know
you again?’
    I gazed into his eyes. I could just imagine Dad’s anxious face if Flynn and I started seeing each other. He would hate it. So would Mum. None of my friends would understand either; and Leo
– I was fairly certain – would never forgive me.
    Still, it wasn’t their decision. It was mine.
    I could live without their respect, hard though it would be.
    But I couldn’t live without respecting myself.
    Every cell in my body wanted to take the single step between me and Flynn. I ached to have him hold me. I longed for him to kiss me.
    But he had let me down. And it was, ultimately, impossible to trust him again. We had had our time and it hadn’t worked out and it didn’t make any sense to think anything would be
any different in the future.
    I took a deep breath.
    ‘I can’t see you again,’ I said. ‘I understand you were mixed up last year. I get that you didn’t mean to hurt me. I forgive you. But your life’s a mess
and—’
    ‘It’s not,’ Flynn protested. ‘I have a proper flat in central London. I’ve got a job, working with Cody. I—’
    ‘Doing what?’ I interrupted. ‘I met Cody. He . . .’ I tailed off, remembering the cold, calculating look in the other boy’s eyes.
    Flynn looked away. ‘It doesn’t matter what I’m doing,’ he said.
    ‘No, I suppose it doesn’t. I suppose all that matters to you is making lots of money.’ I shook my head. ‘That’s all you’ve ever really cared about,
isn’t it? I mean you dress it up like you want to be the big man and have people rate you, but if you have to buy people’s respect then, guess what, they
don’t
respect
you. Not
really.
’
    I took a step away. The skies were clouding over. A few spots of rain fell. My chest heaved with emotion. Flynn stared at me, his mouth gaping in shock.
    ‘It isn’t like that,’ he said. ‘I mean I
am
making money, but—’
    ‘I don’t
care
about money,’ I went on, feeling close to tears. It was too much, Flynn forcing me into this position. Too hard. ‘Your nice clothes and your flat
don’t impress me and I didn’t like Cody. I don’t know what you do with him, but the fact that I’ve asked you twice and you’re too embarrassed to answer tells me that
it’s not something you’re proud of. Which makes you a bit of a loser really.’ I paused. ‘I’m starting to think you’re destined to mess
everything
up,
that messing stuff up is the person you’re always going to be. But it doesn’t have to be the same for me.’
    I took another step away. It was definitely raining now, a soft patter on my hair and shoulders. I pulled my hood up to cover my head. Flynn was still staring at me. I expected him to be angry,
but he looked more upset than cross. A sense of triumph filled me. This, really, was