Deep Surrendering: Episode Four Read Online Free PDF Page A

bar at least twice.
    As I was putting the order forms together to enter into the website, my phone buzzed with a text.
    I’m fine. You okay?
    Fin’s text left a little to be desired, but maybe we could talk when we saw each other later.
    Yeah. Can’t wait to see you!
    Ugh. The text was a little too cheerful and perky, but I hit Send anyway.
    Looking forward to it.
    I put my phone away before I could read way too much into his messages. Technology made communicating easier, but then you spent half your time trying to figure out what people were saying and if they were really mad at you.
     

     
    I hadn’t told Fin what we were doing, so he showed up dressed in his normal beautiful date attire. Purple tie and all, except this one was a light lavender. He had another bouquet of lilacs, and yet another vase.
    “Did you buy these in bulk?” I asked as I filled it with water and put it next to the other two. My small apartment was starting to look like an English garden.
    “Maybe.”
    He embraced me and gave me a quick kiss. Too quick.
    “Everything okay? That was kind of weird with your dad. Way to go for thinking on your feet and doing the fake name thing.”
    He stepped back and leaned on the counter.
    “I thought it was for the best. And yes, it was weird, but it’s fine. No permanent harm done.” His smile was brief and unconvincing. “So, what are we doing, Mari Cherry?”
    “That is for me to know and you to pester me about. Ready?” I’d worn a casual outfit this time, since we’d be doing some walking.
    “If you are, then yes.” He took my hand and we walked down to his car.
    “Where to?”
    “The park,” I said with a smile as I peeked at the loaf of bread I’d stuffed into my largest purse.

 
     
     
     
     

     
    “Now, you should know that this an activity I do exclusively alone. I don’t even think Chloe knows that I do this. This is where I come when I’m upset, or depressed, or when a certain boy is being mean to me.”
    Fin raised his hand.
    “I’m going to take a shot in the dark and guess that I’m the boy to which you’re referring.”
    “You might be,” I said as we walked toward the pond, pulling out the loaf of bread. I handed him a piece and we sat together on one of the benches. It was another lazy summer night, everyone moving slowly in the warm air.
    “Now we wait.”
    He stared down at the bread as if he’d never seen it before. “For what?”
    “Haven’t you ever fed ducks in the park?”
    He shook his head.
    “Not even when you were a kid?”
    “Definitely not. The only times I’ve ever come to the park were after I left my parents’ house. And most of them have been with you.”
    I pulled out a slice of bread and started picking it apart, rolling the bits into little balls with my fingers. Fin did the same.
    “My parents didn’t take me to the park much either. I usually went with whatever babysitter or nanny they’d hired. But my grandmother used to let me run around her yard. She even had a swing set installed, just for me.” Compared to Fin, my childhood seemed magical.
    Fin’s shoulders slumped a little, and he leaned forward and gazed out at the pond.
    “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to rub it in your face.”
    “No, no. Don’t worry about it. Not your fault. I guess I’m still a little bitter.” He chucked one of the little bits of bread out into the middle of the pond. I still hadn’t seen the ducks, and I was starting to wonder if they were coming at all.
    “Why wouldn’t you be? The things that happen to us when we’re young, you carry them with you for the rest of your life. You can say that your past is your past all you want, but the scars stay with you.” It was one of the reasons why I didn’t get along with my parents. There was too much history. And even if they completely changed and were lovely people who accepted me and my choices and supported them, it would still take a lot for me to get past the past.
    “Yes. They do.”