Cucumber Coolie Read Online Free PDF Page A

“Thought you’d be pleased for me. Especially being unofficially promoted to guardian of the city recently yourself.”
    His smile dropped when he said this.
    My moderate fame as a YouTube celebrity after stopping a serial killer a few months ago had really got to Lenny. He’d been paying me to catch the killer so he could take the credit. But he didn’t count on a standoff between the killer and me on the top of Preston bus station.
    He didn’t count on the showdown, which resulted in me booting the killer to his death and saving his young son, ending up all over YouTube.
    “Well, you know. I try to keep things humble.”
    “I’m sure,” Lenny said. He slurped up some more Cucumber Coolie. The bright green liquid covered his upper lip, giving him a ‘tache. “Say this is… this is really interesting, Blake. Very interesting beverage.”
    “Interesting? Or not to your tastes?”
    “Both. I think.”
    “Excellent. So why are you here, Lenny? And don’t tell me you’re here just to have a little boast about your promotion.”
    Lenny slumped his shoulders. “Blake, you really don’t have much respect for me, do you? Really don’t believe I’d just drop by and give an old friend some good news?”
    I wiped the counter down. “No. I really, really don’t.”
    “Well shame on you, you miserable old mare.”
    “I think I’m younger than you.”
    “Younger at heart, maybe.”
    “No. I’m actually younger than you. And that doesn’t even make sense—”
    “Need a little favour, Blake.”
    He scratched at his neck. Put his sunglasses back on so he could avoid eye contact.
    “Oh, really?” I said. “Well isn’t that a surprise?”
    “It’s this promotion, mate. I’m up against this McDone chap. You remember McDone, don’t you? Big bloke? Funny breath that smells like onion gravy.”
    “I thought you liked McDone?”
    Lenny wafted his hand in my face. “Ah, like, dislike. Same thing really.”
    I considered this theory in terms of my own views on Lenny. “No, I don’t think it is. Dislike is pure dislike.”
    “Well he’s going for the same job as me. And I just… well, I really want it. And luckily I’m working on a big case at the moment. So that should help.”
    “Excellent,” I said. “Then you’re sorted then.”
    “Ah, well that’s where you come in. I could do with you looking at a few things for me.”
    I stopped cleaning down the counter. Smiled, and leaned against it. “No chance. You’ve got nothing on me anymore. I’m not falling for your little blackmail games again.”
    Lenny raised his hands. “Jesus, Blake. So doubtful. So cynical. I wouldn’t blackmail a friend like you. I wouldn’t even know how to blackmail.”
    I shrugged. “Fair point.”
    He reached into his pocket. God, his TARDIS like pockets. How I hadn’t missed those. “It’s just a couple of things. A letter and two tapes,” he said. “Well, that makes three things. I always say a couple for more than one thing, then someone told me a couple actually just means two. Did you know that?”
    “Yes.”
    “Blew my mind. Anyway.”
    He planted a pile of papers down on my counter. The first one was a black and white picture of two Mini DV tapes. The next was of a letter, too grainy to make out the writing from this scan.
    “Bloke called James Scotts was found hanging from his belt this morning.”
    I turned over the paper and almost jumped on the spot when I saw the next photograph.
    “Found him dead with a suicide note in his possession. The ol’, ‘Sorry, I tried, blah blah,’ same old sentimental shit as usual. Anyway, we found another note too. A note signed by someone called ‘Hose.’ And, er. We found these tapes, too. And that’s what you’ll, er… that’s what I’d like you to take a look at. Blake?”
    I could hear Lenny speaking. I could hear the words coming out of his mouth. And I understood them too.
    But the hairs on my arms were rising. I could feel my jaw starting to