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Wulliamson’s eyes were better than hiss ears and he bided by the piermaster’s instruction. It’s us were the happy men when we saw the way come off her, and our own bow liftin’ above the watter again ass the tow-line slacked off. But it wass a near thing.
    â€œAss it wass, both steamers were late on their run home for by the time the Texa had finished unloading they were sadly behind their schedules, and I’m told both Captains got a reprimand from the owners efter passengers had complained aboot the delay — and the piermaster had protested aboot the race.
    â€œBut — for all the pierhead gossip I hear aboot — it wass not the blame off the Vital Spark . How could it be?”

    I shook my head sadly.
    â€œYou’ve obviously not heard the full version of the story as it reached Glasgow, Captain,” I said. “The Kilchattan piermaster’s report didn’t blame just the two steamers.
    â€œHe said he had been confronted with three vessels racing for the pier.”
    I took a crumpled copy of the previous day’s Glasgow News from my pocket, found the report I was looking for, and read aloud: “The Kilchattan piermaster reported to the Clyde Port Authority that he had denied access to the pier to the packet steamers Duchess of Fife and King Edward . Though they were racing each other for the first berthing opportunity, this was standard practice and not in itself his reason for turning them away.
    â€œHis fear was that the presence of a third vessel could have had serious consequences and indeed threatened the safety of all involved. ‘The two steamers were neck and neck at about 20 knots,’ he told our reporter this afternoon. ‘Though it is hard to believe, there was a Clyde steam-lighter immediately astern of the King Edward which, with her whistle blowing a demand to be given right of way, was clearly attempting to overtake both passenger ships at once. In the circumstances the only course of action open to me was to close the pier to all three.’ ”

    I am sorry to say that Para Handy has made no effort to deny this report but, rather, has enjoyed the kudos of the qualities which certain credulous individuals now ascribe to the puffer.
    My duty, I feel, is to set the record straight.
    F ACTNOTE
    There was intense competition on the Firth at the turn of the century, the heyday of the paddlers and the first of the new generation of screw steamers on the Clyde: and of course these years were the zenith of the puffers too. Keen races for first berthing opportunities at the piers between passenger vessels operated by rival owners were commonplace — and notorious.
    For the steamers, the prize was not simply the prestige of superiority in speed: it was commercial success. The faster ships attracted the greater attention and publicity and thus by reputation the greater — and more loyal — following. Of more immediate concern to the captains was that, if two steamers were closing down on a pier crowded with trippers awaiting the chance to return to Gourock or Glasgow after an excursion for the day ‘doon the watter’, fortune favoured the first arrival, which would scoop up the potential passengers and leave her unsuccessful rival with an empty pierhead.
    A trial of speed in open water was one thing: but a high-speed convergence in the narrow confines of some isolated pier was very different and there were regular (though thankfully almost always minor) collisions: there were also frequent near-misses or, to describe them with rather more accuracy, near-hits! One collision, documented in the pages of the Glasgow Herald , did actually take place off the Garroch Head, in 1877, between the Guinevere and the Glen Rosa , when they side-swiped one another with consequent damage to their paddle-boxes.
    The advent of the turbines inevitably sharpened the rivalries as the hitherto unchallenged crack paddlers