Collateral Read Online Free PDF Page A

Do. Whatever. Right now, all I see
    is Dar, flirting. That might bother me
    more, except I still enjoy flirting, too.
    Not quite as overtly as Darian, though.

EASY FLIRTATION
    Is everywhere. Case in point, one
    extremely good-looking man is currently
    checking me out. Directly enough to make
    me blush. He must notice because now
    he offers me a beautiful let’s-do-it kind
    of smile that might just lead somewhere,
    if not for that little picture of Cole I carry
    around in my head. Still, I color even
    deeper. This time it’s Celine who sees.
    â€œSorry.” I turn my full attention back to her.
    Don’t apologize. I’d turn straight
    out purple if he smiled at me like that.
    â€œSometimes it’s just so hard, you know?
    Don’t you ever get lonely? I mean, for . . .”
    Sex? A nice warm body beside me in
    bed? Of course. That’s pretty normal.
    â€œBut you’ve never . . . well, I haven’t,
    either. But I almost did once. Cole
    had been gone, like forever. And this
    guy was just so gorgeous. Sweet. Smart.
    A gentleman, too. He never pushed
    for anything, but God, I came close
    one night. I even kissed him. And,
    boy, was it hard to stop. But I did.”
    Don’t beat yourself up about it.
    You did the right thing in the end.
    I finish my drink. “Yeah, but I was
    so tempted to do the wrong thing.”
    Look. You’re young. Healthy.
    Your body responded to pleasant
    external stimuli exactly the way
    it’s supposed to. No big deal.
    I have to smile. “You make lust
    sound so clinical.” Logical, even.
    It’s not exactly rocket science.
    Especially if the guy was all that.
    Look, being committed doesn’t
    make you dead, but all those months
    alone can make you feel that way
    sometimes. You never signed on
    for that. Embrace the moments
    that let you know you’re alive.

Rewind
MY BEGINNING
    With Cole was a long, slow kindle.
    The first night we met, we sparked.
    But, perhaps because we’re both
    cautious by nature, we guarded
    the flame, kept it smoldering low.
    Darian and Spencer blazed. In
    a way, I was surprised. Spence
    reminded me of Darian’s father,
    and the clichéd adage about a girl
    wanting to hook up with a guy like
    her dad didn’t seem like it should apply.
    Darian didn’t much like her father,
    a hard-nosed rodeo cowboy who traveled
    the circuit and came home only long
    enough to rest his horse, screw his wife,
    and try to corral his wild child. Darian
    was having none of it. Bastard never
    taught me to tie my shoes or ride my bike,
    and now he wants to tell me where
    I can’t go and who I can’t see? Hardly!
    Okay, Spence is a lot nicer than
    Darian’s dad, but he carries himself
    in a similar way—with an overabundance
    of self-confidence. Not conceited, but
    so sure of himself as to never admit
    being wrong. Regardless, his and Dar’s
    connection was immediate. Real. Primal.
    I have no idea where Cole and I would be
    today, if it wasn’t for our friends hooking
    up that night, and staying hooked up for
    the next four days, until the guys’ leave
    was over and the next phase of training
    began. Spence, who was out-of-his-head
    in love with Darian from the start, wanted
    to spend every minute with her, mostly
    in the apartment she and I shared.
    Cole had a choice—barracks, Uncle
    Jack’s, or said apartment. For whatever
    reason, he chose the last option. Spence
    slept with Darian. Cole crashed on the couch.

AT LEAST
    That was the original plan. Because,
    as drawn to Cole as I was that first night,
    I’ve never been the type to jump straight
    into bed with a stranger. Not even a striking,
    soft-spoken stranger with eyes that hold
    on to you like they can’t get enough of you.
    So, while Darian and Spence disappeared
    inside her room, the door of which did
    little to muffle all the moaning and yessing
    behind it, Cole and I talked through the dark
    hours,