Cold April Read Online Free PDF

“Beth, my dear, do you not feel the slightest bit guilty about your desire to leave us for so much time in America? Your mother is quite upset to think so.”
    “ Of course I do, but ‘slightest’ is the right word. After all, this time I’ll be home again in a matter of months. I’m afraid I have no guilt for wanting a different kind of life. As I said before—”
    “ I know,” her father interrupted, “you love us but you believe democracy is a better system than monarchy.”
    “ That’s only part of it. I have several reasons. I know there are typewriting schools here and companies that might hire me to work for them, but New York seems to be a more likely place for such a thing to happen.” She had often watched the many young women, dressed in smart attire, board buses or descend the stairs to the subway on their way to work. How she longed to be one of them.
    “ London is a big city, too, you know.”
    “ But our house is so crowded. Irene and Sarah ought to have a room of their own, not one that they have to share with me. I might have to rent a flat near my job, and then I wouldn’t be able to help so much with expenses.”
    “ Help with expenses? Do you mean the money you sent home the three years you’ve been away?”
    “ Yes. It’s only right I do my share.”
    “ But we don’t need your money. It’s true your mother has used some of it to purchase a little something extra now and again, but most of it has been put by for you. You can use it to pay for your typewriting school.”
    Her surprise made her voice rise. “Mum put it by?”
    “ Of course. What did you think?”
    “ I assumed it paid for rent and groceries and clothes for the family.”
    “ Not at all. Except for a treat now and then, as I just said. Believe me, we shall continue to get on just fine without it in future.”
    “ You’re sure?”
    “ Of course.” He leaned in closer. “Because you’re the eldest, you’ve always helped with the younger ones. You’ve done enough. You need to live your own life now. Whatever that might be.”
    “ I never minded helping out, and I expected you to use that money.”
    “ Not a bit of it. The money you sent belongs to you and you may do whatever you wish with it.”
    “ Whatever I wish?” Visions of life as a New York office girl whirled in her head. She spoke almost in a whisper. “I wish I could stay in New York.”
    “ Then that’s exactly what you should do.” He pulled her to her feet and gave her a loving look. “You’re almost twenty-five years old. It’s time you got what you wanted. Forget the family. We’ll get along fine. Even better when we know you’re happy.”
    When he released her, he lit the logs in the fireplace before sitting down again.
    Beth paced the floor. “I’m sorry, but I can’t help feeling responsible for my brothers and sisters. And what about Mother?”
    “ She’ll be unhappy for a while, but, as you pointed out yourself, she has four other children to worry about.”
    “ That’s true, and I do so want to live in New York.”
    “ I want you to stay there for as long as it pleases you.” He paused. “You know, I have often harbored a tiny fear that you will never stop feeling responsible for your family.”
    “ There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?”
    “ I’m the head of this house, and I love my position. Some day you will be head of your own household. You and a husband, of course.”
    “ I love my brothers and sisters. I would do almost anything for them.”
    “ Of course. I know you. I know you might even forgo something important to you if you thought you should help one of them instead. Just as you sent money home unnecessarily instead of using it to travel as much as you could whilst in America.”
    “ I see what you mean, but—”
    “ You are very giving. Not a selfish bone in your body. But you must live for yourself now. Have a career. Get married. Live for yourself, not your brothers and