Caught in Transition Read Online Free PDF Page B

to them. Their culture had always been foreign to me and my inclusion in it depended upon me acting a part, so I could be included as one of them. Now I don't have to put on a mask to be part of that group which I never actually felt I was a part of. I have more freedom now.

CHAPTER TWO
2012

    New Year’s Eve

    New Year ’ s Eve 2012 was a quiet time for us. We usually liked to stay at home and have some wine and snacks and watch the ball drop in Times Square. It had become a tradition for us and to me it was nice to have that consistency. With a great deal of love and support from Sheelagh and support from my family and friends I was feeling pretty contented. I had resigned myself to the fact that the love I felt for Sheelagh superseded everything else that was happening. If Sheelagh needed to be, then I was going to be there and be supportive.  

    To be honest I really did consider leaving once or twice, but when I asked myself - do I really want to live a life without this person in it, my answer was again a no. Our minds and hearts were entwined and I wanted to make our marriage work. I knew none of this was happening “ just to bother me ” or “ just because Sheelagh felt like it was a choice, and she wanted to live her life as a woman. ” No, I knew that Sheelagh could no longer live a lie.

    Over the last few years living as Steve, he no longer laughed and he drank more than usual. I guess it helped to dull the pain. I had come to realize the truth, it wasn ’ t a choice to be a transwoman, it was a necessity. Gender dysphoria does that to people and that was what Sheelagh had been diagnosed with. I couldn ’ t quite picture my life with Sheelagh but I knew I couldn ’ t picture it without her. So on that New Year ’ s Eve we toasted to new beginnings and new adventures together .

    Facial Feminization Surgery

    Getting Ready

    The month of January contained the last weeks Sheelagh had to get through as Steve at work. On January 28 th , she was going to go through Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS), and then take off several weeks to heal, and then return to work at the end of February as Sheelagh.  

    I felt a lot of trepidation around this surgery, it was going to take approximately seven hours and was major surgery. Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS), is an operation some people get to make their features appear more feminine. In Sheelagh ’ s case she was going to undergo an endoscopic brow lift with scalp advancement and temporal fat grafting. That means that the entire orbital rim and frontal bone is aggressively contoured down to show naturally feminine proportions. She was also having a lower eyelid blepharoplasty, a feminizing rhinoplasty, cheek implants, a full face, neck and jaw skin lift, chin bone burring, a tracheal camouflage, a jaw angle bone reduction and a vertical lip lift. No wonder it was going to take seven hours!  

    As the month went on I became more nervous and anxious about it, and Sheelagh became more excited and expectant. Sheelagh made all of the plans; such as booking the flights to and from Chicago and the hotel as well as the transportation to and from the airport. I really wasn ’ t looking forward to any of this so I did not try and help expedite the way things were playing out.  

    I was nervous for Sheelagh getting through security at the Toronto airport. She had on her wig and did the best she could with makeup and as luck would have it we were waved to the side and had security wave a wand over us, and then we were through. No body scan machine or pat downs - that was a huge relief for us both. That was the first time we were flying together as women and it felt weird - not wrong - just different. At that point I still wasn’t used to her coming and using the same washroom as me.  

    Arrival

    The trip was uneventful and we were met in Chicago by a car service that worked with the doctor who was going to be doing Sheelagh ’ s surgery. They took us to our hotel