Burley Cross Postbox Theft Read Online Free PDF Page A

latitude as Moscow!) with Richard Usbourne (always useful to have a shrink handy on the links, eh, Rog? Although in your case, a pathologist might be more in order!).
    I do think I’ve earned it, Rog, all things considered. PC Hill’s little problem put the kibosh on me joining Sandy on her annual pilgrimage to County Wicklow to lay flowers on her father’s grave (I was planning to join her for the first time this year – possibly taking the opportunity of popping in on Druid’s Glen, afterwards, on the sly!). Sandy’s still bearing quite a grudge after making the trip on her own.
    When I mentioned that I might be heading off to Royal Dornoch over breakfast this morning (which, for the record, I made myself – there’s still quite an atmosphere of rancour in the house over the ‘stamps issue’), Sandy suggested that I might enjoy ‘taking a short trip up my own backside’, instead, then added, as a vague afterthought, ‘Although that might be alittle difficult, Laurence. I’m not sure if you’ve actually returned from the last one yet.’
    Ho ho!
    The truths we speak in jest, eh, Rog?
    All the best,
    Sergeant Laurence Everill
    PS To
touch
, Rog:
tango, tangis, tangit, tangimus, tangitis, tangunt
…
    PPS
Hmmn
. A lovely warm slice of Treacle Spice Tray-bake and a steaming mug of tea! Yes. That’ll do nicely, thanks.

[letter 2]
    3, The Mead
Denby Lane
Fallow Hill
(nr Burley Cross)
    20 December, 2006
    Hold on to your hat, Jess…
    And yell
HALLELUJAH
! Because MEREDITH HAS FOUND HER JESUS! She’s finally
found
him! I wrung it out of her while we were stacking away the chairs, straight after you left. You were
completely
right! It was
exactly
as you said! She’d known for literally
weeks
and was just keeping the information back (out of caution? Mischief?
Spite?!)
. You said you didn’t trust her, Jess, and you were spot-on.
Spot-on!
    SHE’S FOUND HIM, JESS! And we’re officially
THE FIRST TWO PEOPLE IN THE WHOLE WORLD TO KNOW ABOUT IT
! (Well, apart from her, obviously, and ratty little Sebastian – her loyal henchman – who was glowering at her,
furiously
, across the hall, as she told me! Oh. And probably the rev – they’re thick as thieves, those two.
But who cares? WHO CARES?!
We’ve dragged it out of them! We’ve
bludgeoned
it out of them!)
    I don’t mind admitting that I’m feeling rather
proud
of myself right now, Jess – a tad
smug
, even. My cheeks are still flushed with victory as I sit at the kitchen table and scribble all this down (sorry about the paper – it’s from that expensive batch Duncan had printed up with the old address
directly
before we moved – but it was all I could lay my hands on at such short notice).
    Oh, Jess, if only you could’ve
been
there! You would’ve been AMAZED at what I put her through! Appalled! I wascompletely and utterly
relentless!!
I was like an attack dog! A Rottweiler!! I kept following her around the hall and worrying at her and worrying at her until she simply couldn’t stand it any more and just blurted it out!
    ‘For heaven’s sake, Emily!’ she shrieked (both her cheeks the colour of boiled beetroot). ‘I’ve
found
a Jesus. He’s called Kieren Knowles, if you
must
know. He’s a professional actor and he lives in Hebden Bridge. Now just
leave me alone
, will you?!’
    Hebden Bridge
, Jess! Of course I would’ve rung you on the spot and blabbed, but my dratted mobile’s out of commission (and Duncan – the old misery – has a strict moratorium on phone calls at home after ten).
    You said you’d be heading off to your mother’s first thing, so I thought I should probably just jot down all the gory details and include them (while they’re still fresh!) along with the earring, which I wrapped up, very carefully, in a tiny piece of lilac tissue paper.
    I
do
hope I scribbled down the address correctly. You were in such a rush – such a panic – that I honestly couldn’t tell if it was 27 Elmdon Lane, Marston Green, Birmingham, or