Break Free & Be Broken Read Online Free PDF Page A

size of the hit that made such an impact, but sweet Jesus, I'm floating. I fall back against my chair, expelling the little smoke that wasn't absorbed into my lungs. I continue to sink back into the chair until I can't really tell where I end and it begins. The whole world is just soft, easy, and kind. I let my eyes close and enjoy my shallow, gentle breaths. My hand drifts lazily up to the dashboard. I turn on some music. The beating of the base pushes me deeper into the chair; deeper than I ever thought I could go.
    Oh... fuck yeah... This is what I call a night.
    I try to focus on the music, my breathing— anything to keep me from sinking all the way down to oblivion, but truth be told, I want oblivion, and slowly... sweetly... I let it claim me.
    There's a crash from afar. I'm ejected from my stupor so fast my mind is nearly broken by whiplash. It takes me a fat second to figure out where I am, let alone what I just heard. I'm at my job, but I'm not doing my job. Something just toppled over inside. The things in there are too big to topple on their own. The window was open. Somebody was inside. And me... I'm out here. Doing drugs.
    This is no good. This is no good at all. Instinct takes over, commanding my hand to start the car. I gotta get the hell out of here! I flick on the lights, release the e-brake, and flee.
    Jesus fucking Christ! This night got away from me. The words seem to float in space, making a grim connection to something more. It isn't just this night that got away from me...
    It's my whole fucking life.
    Adrenaline and heroine do not mix well. By the time I get home, my head is pounding with ache-so much so that I find myself praying for death. I briefly consider taking another hit. I check my watch: 9:53. It is still early... but no, I feel like shit. And besides, I don't know what kind of affect two hits would have on me in the morning. Waking up is hard enough as it is. I don't need an extra dose of opioid in my system fighting to keep me in slumber. Better just to sleep. I can't even remember the last time I got more than five hours in a night. Perhaps it will do me some good.
    As I stumble into my room, I can't help but wonder in what ways I will pay for ditching work early; especially when someone was inside. The heroine in my system shields me from a full self beat down, but I'm still disappointed I fled. As if falling to an imaginary foe wasn't enough, I had to run when things truly got real. I'm a coward, just as I always feared.
    I flop down onto my bed, sleep already pulling me under. Oh but FUCK! I’m still in my work clothes. I gotta get dressed for the morning... but no, I can't. Not this time. Not tonight.
    A somber chuckle escapes me. I let myself slip on drug use and look at how quickly everything is falling apart. Oh well.
    Be easy on yourself, Chales. Tomorrow is your birthday, after all.
    And tomorrow...
     
    You die.

Chapter the Second
    Beep! Beep! Beep!
    Mother fucker.
    The discomfort of a premature waking is as prevalent as ever, despite the extra hours of sleep. I grunt. I may actually feel worse than usual... WORSE!
    Morning always arrives too soon; and even on this, a special day, a one of a kind holiday: my birthday.
    Rather than using the usual technique and simply slapping my alarm to shut it off, I karate chop the hell out of it, knocking it unceremoniously off the nightstand. Offended, it clatters away into the dark. Ah. Fuck. Not a good start to the day.
    I have a feeling it's going to be a long one.
    I muse for a second on how long it has been since I allowed myself to sleep in to my heart’s content. If ever there was a day to lolly gag, throw regiment to the wind, and just say, "to hell with it!"- today is that day. But alas, it will not be so. There is much to be done. I can't let last night’s slip turn into a landslide. Now is the time for diligence, not easing up.
    I climb roughly from bed, denying myself even so much as a yawn-punishment to the body for being