Box Girl Read Online Free PDF Page A

removed into the back of my hand because there is nowhere else to wipe it. I get my shorts just so. I like the elastic band rolled over and hiked down so a sliver of skin shows between the bottom of my shirt and the top of my shorts. I’ve decided this is slimming. I’ll stay this way for about a half hour—until my back or elbows or neck or all three begin to ache.
    There’s no perfect position in the box. Without a chair, I’m working with a very limited set of options, and the most comfortable positions are not the most flattering. The ergonomically-correct-yet-aesthetically-pleasing tango is sort of a nightmare.
    Thus, I have outlined some of my favorite yoga-inspired box positions. Except I don’t do yoga, so I have a very limitedknowledge of the poses. I think there’s one about a dog and one about a child, but other than that, they all look like some sort of one-legged bird to me. But don’t despair, I can work around this, and with practice and patience, even you can master the most challenging Box Girl poses.
    The Slender Typist
    We’ll assign this name to the dependable default position I described above. For the yogis out there, this position is reminiscent of “chaturanga” (I looked that up), except you will find it much easier than chaturanga because you in no way have to hold yourself up. This position engages absolutely no muscles and is definitely bad for your neck.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  PROS: Slimming.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  CONS: Neck pain, elbow numbness, loss of feeling in fingertips.
    The Indian Princess
    For this pose, sit facing the front of the box with your legs crossed in the position formerly known as “Indian style.” (I hear nursery school teachers are now going with the more politically correct “pretzel style.”) This pose is akin to the “lotus” position in yoga (I think), except you don’t have to fold your feet up on top of your thighs because that would be weird. Thus, you will find it much more comfortable. Once in the position-formerly-known-as-Indian-style, place your laptop on your lap. While this pose risks exposing a certain private area, it can be sustained for many hours.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  PROS: Good for typing over prolonged periods of time.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  CONS: Crotch shot. Laptop can get very hot on bare legs. Makes you look sort of squatty. See also: neck pain.
    The Downward reader, with the Side-reader Variation
    The Downward Reader is an excellent option if you are reading something that is lightweight, like a paperback or a Kindle. This position is very simple: Lie on your back and hold your book in front of your face. This pose cannot be sustained for very long, however, because your arms will get very tired. First, they will feel hot, then heavy, and then eventually like lead. Plus you will sort of look like a dipshit holding a book right in front of your face. If you are experiencing any of these sensations, I’d suggest moving into the Side-Reader Variation pose. For this, roll onto your side, lean your weight on one forearm, and hold your book in the corresponding hand. This will free up your other hand to turn the pages. This position comes in handy if you are reading something heavy. Unfortunately, after about fifteen minutes, the supporting arm will start to tingle, and after an hour, it will go completely numb.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  PROS: Slimming. Reading is good for you.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  CONS: Loss of circulation to arms. Possibility of looking like a dipshit.
    The Sleeping Booty
    The box-adapted sleep poses will remind you most of the end of a yoga class. Sleeping positions in the box are tricky.There are four variations, none of them good. You can lie on your back, but I wouldn’t recommend it. You will look like you’re dead. (Consequently, this is called the “corpse” position in yoga.) This will be alarming