Box Girl Read Online Free PDF

for guests. You can lie on your stomach, but this is not very comfortable, and hasn’t your mother ever told you it gives you wrinkles? You can lie on your side, and face the lobby in a borderline fetal position, but then your open mouth is also facing the lobby, which is awkward if you drool and/or snore. Unless you look like the people in the Lunesta commercials when you sleep, I wouldn’t recommend this position. You can lie on your side and face the back wall in said fetal position, though while your drooling and snoring mouth will be hidden, your butt will be on display for the entire lobby.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  PROS: Sleep is good for you.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  CONS: Too many to list. Drink an espresso before your shift.
    The Nutcracker
    The Nutcracker is an emergency position that was developed in a moment of desperation. When it was “that time of the month,” I got my shift covered for reasons so obvious, they need not be stated here. One incredibly unfortunate night, however, I got my period while I was in the box and had to ask the male concierge if he could find me a tampon. For the rest of the night, I sat with my legs sealed together like a wooden nutcracker doll. This pose is very confusing for hotel guests who will wonder why you haven’t moved from the same position for several hours. Some might even wonder if you are, in fact, made of wood.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  PROS: Good for posture. Strengthens lower back.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  CONS: Mortifying. Confusing to hotel guests. See also: mortifying .
    The No-Show, aka The Called-in-Fat
    Say it’s Super Bowl Monday, say it’s the Wednesday after Christmas, say it’s a regular Tuesday. It doesn’t matter. This get-out-of-jail-free-card can be cashed in whenever you need it. If your thighs are not feeling quite toned enough for the unforgiving overhead lights, fear not. We’ve all been there. Pretend you have an audition. A very late audition that doesn’t start until eight o’clock. This is the yoga equivalent of not showing up to class.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  PROS: You can sit in whatever position you want in your real living room.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  CONS: You feel fat.
    The Sly Pick
    In the event you have any sort of itch to itch or wedgie to pick, you must do this very discreetly. I suggest fixing these things on the fly, while transitioning from one position to the next.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  PROS: Problem solved. Comfort.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â  CONS: There’s really no subtle way to pick your wedgie in a glass box under a spotlight. I am just trying to make you feel better.

She’s Got a Good Booty for a White Girl

    People in the lobby assume I can’t hear them when I’m in the box. Perhaps it’s from watching too many crime-scene TV shows, but there is something about a glassed-in room that makes people assume it’s soundproof.
    It’s not.
    If I choose to listen, I can hear everything. I can hear the drunk couple at the end of the night—her hanging on his arm like a koala on a branch—asking how much for a room for the night. I can hear the group of guys debating between The Sky Bar, the Chateau Marmot, or the strip club, as well as the unanimous decision: “Strip club. Done.”
    Most interestingly, I can hear any and all commentary about “that girl in the box.” Me.
    Tourists, especially those with Southern accents, seem to ask the most questions. They’ll lean forward on the front desk, their bags still slung over their shoulders, and demand to know, “Well how in the hell long is she in there for?”
    Sometimes, concerned parents ask, “Is it hard to breathe in there?”
    But, the most-asked question by far is, “Can they go to the bathroom?”
    When anyone finds out I’m a Box Girl, this is always the first thing they want to know. It is such a ludicrous