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according to the unpublished diaries he was a “boor of the first water”, and I seem to recall that the term “tiresome toad” was also used … Anyway, in the course of the evening a number of the guests, including the begum, were mad keen to play a few rounds of pontoon, and as Beano had a passion for both the game and the girl he was only too keen to participate. Ali wasn’t good at cards – wasn’t good at anything according to Beano, except getting in the way – and he elected to leave early, directing the wife to be escorted home by coach and chaperones once the gaming had finished.
    ‘After he left a good time was had by all – except that in the course of it the beautiful wife lost very heavily to Beano, and unbeknown to her husband was already up to her neck in gambling debts. So she found herself in the embarrassing position of having to offer yet another IOU – and one which she could not possibly honour.’
    He paused for a moment, smiled, and then went on: ‘Now, you might think that there was an obvious solution to her problem and that the debt could have been settled in the age-old way. But although Beano was a philanderer he was not a cad, and apparently it was always a point of honour with him never to press home an unfair advantage on the opposite sex. So instead of requesting the lady’s presence in his bed, he said he would cancel the debt if she were to give him some little memento of the evening’s events – a memento whose charm should be enhanced by being both rare and obtained at some small risk to herself.
    ‘The begum, evidently a gal of sporting spirit, rose to the challenge; and two days later sent Beano the most prized object of her husband’s special curio collection, i.e. the prancing pig from Poona. It was carved from a tiger’s femur by some obscure early tribe, and the only one of its kind. Beano was delighted, and it’s said that in an access of further gallantry he paid the donor a nice little packet to cover the rest of her gambling dues. But according to several accounts it was less the pig itself that pleased Beano, than the fact that it had been lifted from under Hyder Ali’s self-satisfied nose by his own wife: a sort of substitute for cuckoldry without the attendant risk.’ Nicholas stretched out his arm for the marmalade, buttered more toast, and giggled.
    ‘But surely,’ I said, ‘if it was such a primitive piece of carving it wouldn’t be decorated with jewels.’
    ‘Of course not. It was Beano who had those added, and then back in England gave it to his own good lady as some sort of anniversary present.’
    ‘So what happened to it? And in any case, what made it look so different from the later fakes?’
    ‘They had a row and she threw it at him.’
    ‘Well, that doesn’t tell me anything!’
    ‘Oh, yes it does. You see, he ducked and it hit the fender. When they picked it up one of the emeralds had fallen out and they found the tiniest nick on its underside, the merest blemish but it’s there all right, and he mentions it briefly in one of the diaries – something to the effect of: “Gadzooks! Thanks to Lucinda’s temper I’ve had to have the creature’s right eye reset, but otherwise none the worse except for a snip under the stern. No matter, I’ll have Beeston put that right. What a harpy the girl is!”’
    ‘Who’s Beeston?’
    ‘Beeston & Littlejohn. They were a firm of silversmiths in the City; but as a sideline the senior partner used to do all sorts of renovation work and was much in demand. Beano obviously had him smooth the mark out, but if you look really hard and run your thumbnail over the surface you can still detect the merest trace.’
    ‘So I take it that you’ve seen this thing recently?’
    ‘About a year ago, give or take.’
    ‘And you think the owner has no idea what he’s got?’
    ‘From what he was saying, hasn’t a clue. He’s obviously very attached to the thing but seems to assume it’s just a pleasing