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said Frank shouldn’t leave school because he needed the supervision.
    I pointed out that I was unlikely to pass my exams because I was dedicating most of my time to chasing skirt and that Frank would get a lot better supervision in the Merchant Navy than anywhere else. Frank’s mum wasn’t the brightest – it was only a few monthssince Frank and I did that torch trick on her 17 – and the two of us soon talked her round.
    We went into school and told them we were quitting that same day. The teacher said I was wasting my life and I said that one day I would be back to show him my medals and walked out with my head held high and all the skirt looked at me with big eyes. Frank shouted that one day he’d be back to show the teacher his gun which provoked a different reaction and I heard some screaming and then Frank ran past me and I met him back at the house.
    The next day Frank and I caught the bus up to the docks and there’s no doubt we were both a little nervous. When we actually got to the training centre, though, we were absolutely delighted. It was a big warehouse with all these bits of ships, and ropes and big maps on tables. Best of all was that in the corner there was a row of uniforms. ‘Look, Bob,’ said Frank, ‘uniforms.’
    It was a wonderful moment. These days it seems just about anyone gets a decent uniform. I saw a traffic warden recently who looked like he’d just got back from Iraq. But back then it was hard to get hold of a uniform and when you did get one, no matter how shite is was, the skirt thought you were in the SAS. And now here were Frank and myself on the verge of getting hold of some of the best uniforms going. Just when we thought it couldn’t get any better we met Alf Whicker. 18
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    17 See
The Dundee Courier
16 January 1962 – ‘
Broughty Woman “Embarrassed” Over UFO “Mix-Up”.’
    18 Oh, right, hang on.

7
Alf Whicker
    Alf Whicker was an interesting guy. As a kid he’d apparently been a right looker and took the Bonniest Baby cup in the Broughty Ferry Gala Week. Then he’d run away at fifteen to join the Merchant Navy and this was him back in Dundee to set up a training centre. He’d certainly seen a bit of life. His face was all red from the sea and he had scars and tattoos and, if truth be told, Frank and I were both impressed by the guy. And that was before he started talking skirt. 19
    Alf got all the boys together and reeled off these stories about going round the world and some of the sights he’d seen. He talked about how he’d been to islands where the local women wore grass skirts and Frank and I nearly keeled over when he described them. I mean, if you’d made grass skirts for some of the women that Frank I are were chasing in those days you’d be talking about rolling up bowling greens but the way Alf Whicker put it we were going to have a cracker of a wife in every port. ‘Hopefully not in Tayport!’ I joked and Alf Whicker told me in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t allowed to make jokes.
    He was a tough guy, was Alf Whicker. He talked so much about foreign places that Frank and I used to say that he wasn’t really Alf Whicker, he was Tony Whicker 20 off the television but we always kept our voices down.
    Things started not too bad for me and Frank at the MerchantNavy. The first few weeks was rope stuff, learning the bits of boats and reading maps. It was when we had what’s called the On Land Exam after three months that everything went wobbly. Guess whose fault that was?
    Frank had promised me he’d been paying attention. After every day I’d say, ‘So you got that?’ and he’d tap the side of his head and say ‘Locked down, Bob, locked down.’ Soon I’d learn that if Frank taps his head and says anything at all it should be cause for alarm but back then I was still learning and probably enjoying