Board Stiff (Xanth) Read Online Free PDF

Zombies were different from alive folk. What hurt a person might have the opposite effect on a zombie. So the stings were more like tickling. At any rate the zombie was out of commission. Ease walked right by it and through the setting. He was through the third Challenge, as much by luck as by skill.
    And there before him was the drawbridge over the moat.
    He walked boldly across it, jauntily swinging his board. There was a moat monster; it raised its toothy green head from the water, eyed him, and let him be. It knew he was entitled.
    He marched up to the front gate. A woman with a baby stood there. “Hi, Wira!” he called. “It’s me, Ease, again.”
    “So I see,” she agreed. “We seldom see a querent a second time.”
    “Well, the Good Magician didn’t help me before. Then I got this notion, how about asking him a different Question? Maybe this time he’ll give me an Answer.”
    “He regretted letting you go, before,” Wira said, guiding him into the castle. “Because after that there was a really tough mission, and he had to send a woman who almost wasn’t up to it, because she lacked your magic.” She paused.
    It was a significant pause. There was something on her mind. Maybe he should inquire.
    “I heard that pause,” Ease said. “What’s on your mind, Wira?”
    “Two things. One about you, the other about me.”
    “About me?”
    “Ease, the Good Magician has a mission in mind for you. But I remember from when you were here before. You don’t much like puns.”
    “I sure don’t. And there was half a slew of them out there today.”
    “Yes. I think maybe he was trying to turn you off so you wouldn’t finish the Challenges. Because the mission involves puns.”
    “Oh, bleep!” Then, remembering the baby, he mended his language. “I mean, oh, no.”
    Wira smiled. “She doesn’t understand language yet. No harm done. But you may want to pass up this mission.”
    But Kandy was curious. A mission involving puns? That could be wonderful or horrible, depending on the mood of the puns. She preferred to see it through.
    “I prefer to see it through,” Ease said bravely. “What’s the other thing?”
    “I really shouldn’t bother you.”
    “Oh, come on, Wira. You were nice to me before. Maybe I can help.”
    “All right. It’s that I can’t decide what to name my baby. Normally men get boy babies and women get girl babies, and she’s a girl, so she should have a W name, after me. But I’m not sure I want to be that conventional. That leaves me with no idea. I don’t want to leave it too long, because a person is incomplete without a name. Do you have any idea? Maybe what is difficult for me will be easy for you.”
    Ease considered, flattered. “What’s her talent?”
    “She can summon lizards and tame them. Small ones, so far, but they may get bigger as she matures. I’m hoping she’ll be a dragon tamer when she’s grown.”
    “Then name her after her talent: Liz.”
    “That’s it!” Wira said. “That’s perfect! Thank you.” She kissed him on the cheek.
    “Always glad to be of service to a lady,” Ease said gallantly.
    Kandy had to admit that he had come through on that one. He had indeed done easily what had stymied Wira.
    Now they came to the castle reception hall. “Mother MareAnn!” Wira exclaimed. “I have a name! Ease thought of it.” Then, embarrassed, she remembered her role. “This is Ease, who was here once before. Ease, this is MareAnn, the Designated Wife of the month.”
    “Hello, Ease,” MareAnn said. She was a pretty woman with a brown ponytail. “We haven’t met before, because I was not here when you were. I am glad to meet you now.” Then she turned to Wira. “A name?”
    “Liz! After her talent.”
    “Perfect,” MareAnn agreed. “Thank you for finding it, Ease.”
    Ease opened his mouth to say something modest. But Wira spoke instead. “Oops! I think Liz has to poop.” She hurried off.
    MareAnn smiled indulgently. “She’s so