‘Okay?’
Rodden was twisting my ring on his finger and didn’t reply for a moment. When he spoke his voice was quiet. ‘If you get killed, or worse, it will be my fault.’
‘No, it won’t. It’ll just be an unlucky coincidence. I am perfectly capable of dying or getting Turned without your help, thank you very much.’ It was meant to be a joke, but he wasn’t laughing. There was something weighing on his mind. I tested the thread between us, trying to discern his true feelings. He spoke the truth: he was worried about seeing me die. That was no surprise – I didn’t fancy it either. But there was something else. Guilt.There was a whole miserable lake of it lapping at his insides.
What did Rodden have to feel so guilty about?
Leap butted his head against Rodden’s arm. He clamped down on the thought-thread between us and the connection was severed. Getting up to mount his horse, he said, ‘Gallop. Ten minutes south, no stopping. Then we’ll head for home.’
I struggled to my feet, relieved that today’s ordeal was nearly over. Home meant north, towards the palace – but also towards Lharmell. Home indeed.
Lilith intercepted me at the door to my bedchamber. I was still light-headed, sweaty and anxious for a bath.
‘I’ve been worrying about this journey, Fina,’ she said. ‘You aren’t intending to make it alone, are you?’
I swiped perspiration from my upper lip. ‘Of course not. I’ll be with Rodden.’
She pursed her lips. ‘Don’t be pert. You know that’s what I mean. The two of you travelling alone together . . . it’s not proper.’ She hesitated a moment before saying, ‘I – I can’t allow it.’
‘You sound just like Mother.’
‘In her absence I am in charge,’ she blustered.
‘Since when?’
‘Since . . . since . . . Oh, come on, Fina. You know she’d refuse to let you go. So I have to refuse too.’ She squared her shoulders. ‘I forbid you to travel alone with that man.’
I drew myself up to my full height, which was an inch shorter than hers. ‘And how do you propose to stop me?’
‘I’ll tell the stewards not to give you horses. I’ll send Rodden on a tour of duty. I’ll make you one of my ladies-in-waiting.’
Drat. She could do those things, too. ‘All right,’ I growled.
Lilith looked startled. ‘Really? But your fights with Mother usually go on for hours.’
‘I believe you’re thinking of your fights with Mother.’
Lilith considered this. ‘Oh. Yes. Well, then . . . go to your room.’
I swept an exaggerated curtsey. ‘Yes, Your Highness.’ And I slammed the door on her nose.
I fumed. Who did Lilith think she was? How many times had she moaned to me because Renata wouldn’t let her do such-and-such, or Renataexpected her to marry so-and-so? And now suddenly she was doing what she thought Renata would want. Well, I wasn’t just going to lie down and take it. She would be angry, and she would be annoyed, but that couldn’t be helped. I was in the right, after all. There were lives at stake, and why should a notion like propriety stand in my way? Impropriety never killed anyone. Impropriety didn’t drain anyone’s blood.
I went straight to my writing desk and scribbled a note. Handing it to Griffin, I said, ‘Northern turret, please. No need to wait for a reply.’
I watched from the balcony as my eagle winged her way to Rodden’s turret room against a brilliant, rose-streaked sky, my note clutched firmly in her beak.
THREE
I packed lightly. All my necessities could fit in a small saddlebag: two spare shirts and pairs of trousers, soap, dry rations, bandages and salve, a water skin and a comb. I hesitated over my harming cloak. The long, hooded garments were the garb of those with Lharmellin blood and would be necessary once we were in Lharmell. Harmings favoured them as they disguised their tell-tale black hair and unsettling pale eyes, and the grey puffiness of their skin once they’d been Turned. The eyes of a
Rodden was twisting my ring on his finger and didn’t reply for a moment. When he spoke his voice was quiet. ‘If you get killed, or worse, it will be my fault.’
‘No, it won’t. It’ll just be an unlucky coincidence. I am perfectly capable of dying or getting Turned without your help, thank you very much.’ It was meant to be a joke, but he wasn’t laughing. There was something weighing on his mind. I tested the thread between us, trying to discern his true feelings. He spoke the truth: he was worried about seeing me die. That was no surprise – I didn’t fancy it either. But there was something else. Guilt.There was a whole miserable lake of it lapping at his insides.
What did Rodden have to feel so guilty about?
Leap butted his head against Rodden’s arm. He clamped down on the thought-thread between us and the connection was severed. Getting up to mount his horse, he said, ‘Gallop. Ten minutes south, no stopping. Then we’ll head for home.’
I struggled to my feet, relieved that today’s ordeal was nearly over. Home meant north, towards the palace – but also towards Lharmell. Home indeed.
Lilith intercepted me at the door to my bedchamber. I was still light-headed, sweaty and anxious for a bath.
‘I’ve been worrying about this journey, Fina,’ she said. ‘You aren’t intending to make it alone, are you?’
I swiped perspiration from my upper lip. ‘Of course not. I’ll be with Rodden.’
She pursed her lips. ‘Don’t be pert. You know that’s what I mean. The two of you travelling alone together . . . it’s not proper.’ She hesitated a moment before saying, ‘I – I can’t allow it.’
‘You sound just like Mother.’
‘In her absence I am in charge,’ she blustered.
‘Since when?’
‘Since . . . since . . . Oh, come on, Fina. You know she’d refuse to let you go. So I have to refuse too.’ She squared her shoulders. ‘I forbid you to travel alone with that man.’
I drew myself up to my full height, which was an inch shorter than hers. ‘And how do you propose to stop me?’
‘I’ll tell the stewards not to give you horses. I’ll send Rodden on a tour of duty. I’ll make you one of my ladies-in-waiting.’
Drat. She could do those things, too. ‘All right,’ I growled.
Lilith looked startled. ‘Really? But your fights with Mother usually go on for hours.’
‘I believe you’re thinking of your fights with Mother.’
Lilith considered this. ‘Oh. Yes. Well, then . . . go to your room.’
I swept an exaggerated curtsey. ‘Yes, Your Highness.’ And I slammed the door on her nose.
I fumed. Who did Lilith think she was? How many times had she moaned to me because Renata wouldn’t let her do such-and-such, or Renataexpected her to marry so-and-so? And now suddenly she was doing what she thought Renata would want. Well, I wasn’t just going to lie down and take it. She would be angry, and she would be annoyed, but that couldn’t be helped. I was in the right, after all. There were lives at stake, and why should a notion like propriety stand in my way? Impropriety never killed anyone. Impropriety didn’t drain anyone’s blood.
I went straight to my writing desk and scribbled a note. Handing it to Griffin, I said, ‘Northern turret, please. No need to wait for a reply.’
I watched from the balcony as my eagle winged her way to Rodden’s turret room against a brilliant, rose-streaked sky, my note clutched firmly in her beak.
THREE
I packed lightly. All my necessities could fit in a small saddlebag: two spare shirts and pairs of trousers, soap, dry rations, bandages and salve, a water skin and a comb. I hesitated over my harming cloak. The long, hooded garments were the garb of those with Lharmellin blood and would be necessary once we were in Lharmell. Harmings favoured them as they disguised their tell-tale black hair and unsettling pale eyes, and the grey puffiness of their skin once they’d been Turned. The eyes of a
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