Every
morning, he wakes up, smokes pot on the toilet while taking his morning piss,
and wanders out for breakfast fully baked. The redheaded, freckled pizza
delivery man stays that way the entire day.
I don’t think I
can remember a time when he wasn’t stoned, and we’ve been friends since our
fourth-grade teacher made us sit together.
Returning home
from visiting my son, Felix, I walk into the three-bedroom apartment to find
Chucky and his sometimes live-in girlfriend, Basil, on the floor in front of
the couch. They’re giggling about something on the TV.
The overly made-up
blonde waitress looks at me and smiles widely. I notice lipstick on her teeth
and think to say something. Keeping my mouth shut, I assume Chucky will lick
her clean soon enough.
“No Felix?”
Basil asks.
“Nope. He
wanted to hang out with his friends.”
“Already
getting replaced, eh, Pop?” Chucky says, laughing. “That’s gotta burn the
soul.”
I have no doubt
99 percent of the human population would hate these idiots. I ought to avoid
them too, now that I’m a father, but Chucky is loyal to a fault. If someone
took a shot at me, I know he’d jump in the way. Of course with his druggy
reflexes, he wouldn’t jump fast enough, but the thought is what counts in life.
“The kid needs
friends. I’d hate for him to be so lonely that he hangs out with a ginger and
his trailer trash harlot.”
“Harlot?” Basil
dreamily asks. “I like that. Sounds classy.”
Grinning at
them, I check my mail and wonder what Justice is doing right then. I know she
just moved to town so maybe she’s unpacking. She might be running around town
with her sisters, picking up strange men who I’d need to kill. I’m already
feeling rather possessive of a girl I barely I know.
“Wanna come
along to my niece’s party tomorrow?” Basil asks. “She’s legal now and super
cute, and she thinks you’re the bomb.”
“I have a
date.”
“With who?”
“Whom,” Chucky
corrects.
“What?”
They giggle at
their misunderstanding, and I assume they’ll forget we’re speaking. I’m okay
with the silence. I’d rather hang out in my room and watch sports. I need to
take my mind off Justice or else I’ll be ready to pop the minute I see her
again.
“Whom are you
going out with?” Basil asks, having stretched out behind Chucky on the couch.
“She’s one of
Jared’s daughters.”
“I’m hoping
it’s the hot one,” Chucky says, collapsing on the floor. “ Seinfeld wears
me out, man.”
“What’s her
name?” Basil asks, stumbling toward me. “Is she cool?”
“Justice and I
think so, yeah.”
“Don’t be shy.”
“I’m not
looking to gossip.”
“You should
give it a try. Gossiping is the bomb.”
Basil thinks
everything is the bomb.
“Where are you
taking her?”
“A rib joint,”
is my answer since I don’t want these two showing up to check us out.
“Is she
pretty?”
“Yes.”
“Is she
beautiful?” she teases. “Do you dream of her?”
“Wet dreams,”
Chucky says with his eyes closed. “That’s how I dream of you, baby.”
“Ah, that’s
sweet.”
The sad thing
is Basil isn’t the sarcastic type. She wouldn’t understand half of what Justice
says.
“You might want
an out,” Chucky announces.
“A what?”
“You need a
reason to keep the date short, just in case shit ain’t going good. Make her
also know you’re a busy fucking playa and she needs to know her place.”
“He ain’t
wrong,” Basil says.
“He’s rarely
right, though.”
“Being right is
overrated. I’d rather just be.”
“That sounds
plenty Zen and all, but I’d rather be right.”
“Does that mean
you’re going to have an out?”
Touching my arm
forever burned by her touch, I frown. “I don’t think lying to Justice is such a
good idea. Not with her dad looking over my shoulder.”
I don’t care
what Jared says about staying out of shit. I know men like him. He has a sphere
of influence. His family,