Black Heart Blue Read Online Free PDF Page A

and have no idea what it’s like to be young and want to have fun. They drone on for hours and hours and hours which is basically my idea of torture. Lastly, my new friends are fantastic and I’m having the best time of my life. Hallelujah!
    Well, mostly I am.
    The thing is you have to be careful what you say round here. When I’m with Reb I can say what I like and she knows mostly everything I think without me having to open my mouth. But here! There’s things you have to think, things you have to say. Things you definitely can’t say because if you do people will hate you.
    You have to think Daisy is the prettiest girl in Year Twelve, and the most popular. You have to think that she’ll definitely get the part in the school show they’re going to do at Christmas. I wish I could audition, it’s a musical, but I know there’s no point.
    You also have to laugh at the teachers and call them names. That’s quite funny, but I didn’t expect it.
    You have to really not start a row in the common room. I found that out the other day when they were all talking about this boy, Sam, who I’d actually thought was quite sweet. He asks how I am every day and says he likes my outfit, even if I know that he knows that it’s the same as yesterday’s. Well, I thought maybe he even fancied me, until Samara told me about him.
    ‘Sam’s met a new guy, from the sixth-form college in town, I saw them together. He’s adorable.’
    ‘Sam who?’ I thought she must be talking about someone else, one of their friends who I’d yet to meet.
    ‘You know Sam Roberts? In our tutor group? I met his new boyfriend last Saturday.’
    ‘What? He’s a homosexual? Really? That is disgusting!’ My voice was loud and the whole place fell silent. I didn’t know what I’d said wrong. Someone sniggered on the other side of the common room.
    ‘What? Are you a homophobe or something?’ challenged Daisy. I didn’t know what that was and looked at Samara, hoping she’d explain.
    ‘D’you hate gays?’ she said, darting her eyes at the others.
    ‘Well, they’re dirty, aren’t they? It’s like, you know, totally evil what they do. It’s a sin.’ I’d heard my father preach about it. I didn’t listen mostly but I must have tuned in for that one. I should have known better than torepeat anything I’d heard in the church or at my father’s table but the words had come out before I’d had time to remember to keep my big mouth shut. I searched the room for Rebecca to see if she’d heard, looking for her to get me out of trouble, but we were at college and college meant staying apart.
    ‘God! What planet are you from?’ sneered Daisy, and she shook her head and gave me the hard look I’d seen her level at others who she thought were odd or stupid or ugly. I laughed then and forced myself to meet her eyes.
    ‘Oh my God! It was a joke!’ I cried. ‘Of course I don’t hate gay people! I was just messing around!’
    No one looked convinced and I laid it on even thicker. ‘Of course I know Sam’s gay, he told me himself. Is his boyfriend really that good looking, then?’
    Samara nodded and helped me out by describing him and I oohed and ahhed and breathed a sigh of relief as my cheeks returned to their normal colour. But I bit my tongue for the rest of the day and kept checking no one was whispering about me. I’m being especially nice to Sam too and I’ve made sure everyone sees me talking to him. But I’m still not certain that Daisy’s forgotten what I said and I press it to the back of my mind with a whole stack of other stuff I’m not dealing with right now.
    And I do like Sam. I’m not just pretending. He is the opposite of evil. There’s another thing Roderick Kinsman got wrong.
    From now on I think before I speak. I copy what theothers do and say and I make myself blend in.
    Craig bunks off quite a bit. I haven’t dared to yet but once I’m his girlfriend I’m going to see what it’s like. I haven’t escaped from