Beyond My Control: Forbidden Fantasies in an Uncensored Age Read Online Free PDF Page A

people I know, people I can actually touch, want to touch, or have touched. It’s interesting that all of my fantasies are rooted in reality—I don’t usually want my fantasies to remain fantasies. Why do some women fantasize about the impossible and others fantasize about reality? What does this say about each “type” of woman?
    My fantasies start with an image of a person, a flash of a familiar face, a smell of a certain man, a sound that recalls someone—and from there, my mind works. My fantasies range from my tying a man up and doing everything in my power to please him, to my taking the part of the “victim,” to both of us actively working to satisfy each other. The smells
    of him. Eyes shut. Relaxed in bed. Licking toes, the tongue moves up the inside of my leg, the hands caress my inner thighs…I want to take those fantasies and make them a reality with that man.

    F a N T a s i e s o F W o r s h i p
    “I Live to Grovel”
    With more single moms, boys are being raised without a man in their lives in whom they might see themselves, a person they might choose to emulate or not, a man with influence and power within the family. Can we be surprised that more men than ever automatically reach for the dominatrix?
    Families are built upon rules, as in any society. Certainly, there were parental rules regarding sex when we were young and societal rules later on, though breaking them—stopping just short of “go- ing all the way”—carried a thrill that could make up for the guilt. Historically, mothers enforced the rules. In the most important years of their children’s lives, they laid down the “shall-nots”— some fair, some maybe not. Rules can create an atmosphere of safety, mental ropes that keep the child from “ falling off the edge, ” even when the child complains of feeling restricted. By control- ling their children’s lives through nurture and discipline, they were instilling not just love but fear/anxiety/trepidation should their rules be broken. These were the formative years. In the end, what mattered wasn’t that all the rules were obeyed but that they were there, something that you counted on. Even if you disliked them and disobeyed them occasionally, by their very existence, they made you feel safe. They were the constant boundaries
    against which we fought. Boundaries we now use and break in fantasies to free ourselves to orgasm.
    In fantasies of domination, we either enforce these rules/ boundaries or submit to them, sometimes pleading, “No, no, please, stop!” other times applauding, worshipping, “Thank you, thank you, Master/Mistress.”
    The powers of invention have been worn out at the office, and both men and women find that the body lets go, relaxes, and warms up when the mind travels to images of being totally out of control. Jonathan, a married man whose wife is happy with sex once or twice a week, speaks of this yearning. “My fantasy is that when I arrive at the address of my lover, I must be prepared for complete submissiveness, ready to offer my whole mind and body to her, for she will teach me what she likes, and I must obey.”
    “Forced” to let go of the “manly, man in charge, on top” role he inherited, he gives himself over to orgasm at the hands of a dominating woman.

    Henry
    Henry, a young interior designer who lives in Chicago, met his current girlfriend online by answering an ad looking for a “sub man.”

    I was pretty nervous when we first met. I fantasized a long time about being with a hot dominant woman and read lots of ads, but this was the first one I answered. There was something about her authority saying, “I know what’s best for you.” We exchanged some pictures, and she said she was willing to meet me to see if I was worthy. We met at a bar in her area. It was kind of comforting the way she took control. I felt excited by it. She allowed me to go back with her to her house. When
    we got there, she said, “Do not look at me unless