Beyond Belief Read Online Free PDF Page A

everyone in my family would kill me if they found out I said something. And she likes this about me, that I can keep secrets. She always tells everyone, “If you have something that’s totally exploding inside you that you have to say out loud but you don’t want everyone to know, you can tell Cami because she can keep a secret like nobody’s business.” And it’s true. There are things about my family I’ll take to my grave.
    Anyway, we all pray for a really long time. And nothing is happening, so I start to feel guilty that everyone is spending so much time trying to convince God to let me talk in angel tongues. Plus, their hands are getting sweaty on my back and legs. But I want this direct line to God because after this meeting I have to go home, and when I get there my mom is going to be boiling mad at me since I accidently left a little Gideon’s New Testament on the bathroom counter. If she finds it, she’ll know I smuggled it into the house after she took the first one away. I remembered that I’d forgotten to put it back in my coat pocket only after I got to Donny and Ted’s and now I’m hoping my new prayer language will help me convince God to make sure my mom miraculously doesn’t see it.
    I open my eyes and turn my head to see if I can make Hope look at me. She’s already got her eyes open and she leans over and says, “It’s okay, sometimes it takes awhile, just start moving your mouth. God will take care of the rest.”
    I’m super glad she’s there. I bow my head and concentrate. In my heart, I pray, “Okay, God, help me out here.”
    Nothing happens for another long time. I start to feel really bad, like maybe God isn’t that interested in me, or maybe I’m not really born again. Maybe—even though I walked down to the front of the church and said the Sinner’s Prayer with my Baptistpastor—maybe I don’t believe in God quite right. And then I start to get kind of freaked out because if that’s true, then my name still isn’t written in the Book of Life, and also God won’t help me by fixing the troubles in my family.
    My chest gets really tight and I wonder what Donny is thinking because, even though there isn’t any chance for us since I’m fourteen and he’s twenty-two, I want him to like me and he probably won’t if I’m not really saved. With everyone pushed in around me praying (but probably secretly wishing God would get on with it), I hyperventilate a little. I can’t quite catch my breath. This happens to me a lot, but it’s never happened in front of people before.
    Hope sees what’s going on and she whispers in my ear, “Just take a breath, Cami. God loves you. You just have to start moving your mouth.”
    Ted raises his voice above the hushed praises to pray loudly now, “Father, it’s time. Give our sister your gift. Give it to her now.” I figure I should at least do my part, so I start to move my mouth—opening and closing it really fast and swishing my tongue around inside.
    Suddenly out comes this long, incredible string of syllables. And it keeps coming and coming. My heart starts thumping hard, but I’m shy about the sound of it so I’m doing it almost silently, but Hope is watching my mouth and she says, “Do it louder, Cami.” So I up the volume just a little bit. It’s for real; I’m totally speaking in tongues. And the sounds just keep flowing out like you can’t believe.
    Hedda hears this and says, “She’s got it.” Then everyone starts cheering. I stop speaking and then start up again to make sure it’s real. It is. One girl who has been sitting on her knees in front of me even starts to cry and to hug my calf. They all start applauding and hugging me and saying, “Thank you, Lord.”
    After several minutes everyone quiets down and goes back to their seats. I do the same, but I’m in a daze—like I’m high, even though I’ve never been high, so I’m only guessing. The rest of the meeting is hazy as I keep thinking that now God