Better Than None Read Online Free PDF Page A

Barbara,” he finally said, “we’ve had a chance to look at your
case in conference, and we all agree that the best course is six months of
chemo and then we’ll see if we can operate.”
    Barb and I looked at each other, both in shock, and then back at him.
     “What?” I asked like an idiot.
    Poor Dr. O’Malley couldn’t grasp what I didn’t understand. He knitted
his eyebrows and cocked his head. “I know how hard this must be to hear, but with
your mother’s type of cancer—”
    I didn’t let him finish. “Cancer? But, but, her tumor marker came back
perfect. I mean, if she had cancer, it would show up on a tumor marker, right?”
     “Unfortunately, no. 10-15% of people have the type of DNA where
it just doesn’t register.”
     “Well then what the hell is the point of a God damned tumor
marker?” I shouted. My mom patted my arm, embarrassed by my outburst. Even
then, upon hearing she had cancer, she still wanted to be ladylike.
     “I’m sorry, Stephanie, Barbara.” Dr. O’Malley said
sympathetically.
     “But, I don’t understand, doctor.” My mom said with fear. For the
first time, she wasn’t trying to impress the man before her. She was raw, open,
naked.
    Dr. O’Malley took her hands in his and stared deeply into her eyes,
“There is good news here, Barbara. From what we can see, the tumor is isolated,
meaning it hasn’t spread. If we move quickly, and the chemo works—”
    Before he could finish, this time Barbara jumped in.
     “I swore I’d never do chemo. Ever. I’ve seen what it does to
people. To women. I don’t want to look like that. Do you have any idea how much
time I spend to get my hair to look like this? And I still wax my eyebrows, at
my age! And dye my eye lashes.”
    This was truly a first. My mother, not just standing up to a man, but
sharing her beauty secrets with one. I wish the circumstances were different.
If they were, I’d have been so proud of her. But in that moment, all I could
think was that it took cancer to force her to abandon her Southern Belle act.
Fucking cancer.
     “Barbara, I’m not a woman, so I can’t pretend that I know what it
must feel like to lose those parts of you. But they’re not who you are. Hair
grows back. Wigs can be purchased. But if we don’t do the chemo, I guarantee
you that this cancer will grow and slowly, painfully, kill you.”
    Finally, sweet Dr. O’Malley lost the Mr. Nice Guy and got down to brass
tacks.
     “But, but the tumor marker said…” she said weakly and trailed off
as I grabbed her hand and held it. The tears welled up in her eyes and mine as
we stared at each other.
     “Stephy, honey, you know I’ve always said—”
     “Mom,” I jumped in before she could finish, “you don’t have a
choice. If you don’t do the chemo, the cancer will grow and, and… you heard the
doctor. You have to do it. You just have to.” I pleaded.
    Her hand went up to her hair. “But my hair…”
     “We’ll buy you a wig, mom. We can buy you a whole assortment!” I
said enthusiastically, through the tears. I sniffled and used the back of my
hand to wipe my nose.
    She shook her head. She hated it when I did that. She said I looked
like trash, and that I should have a Kleenex handy and lightly blow like a lady
would.
    “But, but…” my mom asked feebly looking to me, then Dr. O’Malley, then
back to me.
    There was nothing more to say. Dr. O’Malley couldn’t do anything for
us. He was a surgeon. And if we were lucky enough to make it to him, it
wouldn’t be for another six months. We certainly couldn’t have been the first
patients who he’d delivered bad, life-changing, unfathomable news to. And based
on all the people in all the myriad waiting rooms we’d seen, we most definitely
wouldn’t be the last.
    I don’t think either of us said a word on the drive home. I racked my
brain trying to think of something, anything I could say. But there was
nothing. There was no more conjecture, no more