Becoming Me Read Online Free PDF Page B

I have to be like them. Does it? After all, don’t we all have to figure these things out for ourselves in the long run?
January 18, Thursday (deeper thoughts)
    It’s been a busy week and tomorrow is a “no school” day, so I figure I better catch up in my diary (wouldn’t want to leave an important piece of my life out!). This week we’ve had a lot of Martin Luther King Jr. activities going on at our school, which I actually think is pretty cool. I even wrote an essay on him, and although I know he wasn’t perfect or anything, I think he was a pretty amazing guy and I really do admire all he did for human rights and everything.
    So I’m sitting here wondering, will my life ever have any important significance like that? I know I’ll never do anything as important as Reverend King, but sometimes I hope that my life will amount to something beyond just education and career and getting married and having kids (not that I see that happening any time soon!). But, it’s like, I look at my parents’ lives and I think—there’s got to be more to life than that. Oh yeah, I’ll admit the idea of meeting Mr. Wonderful (and I must confess I still dream about Josh Miller occasionally) and getting married can sound pretty good sometimes. But still, it just seems there should be more to life than that. Only, I’m not sure what. And I’m not even sure what’s making me so philosophical today—maybe it’s just all this Martin Luther King Jr. stuff. And I suppose it’s good for everyone to think a little more deeply from time to time.
    Speaking of deep thinkers, I talked to Beanie this week. I was feeling kind of bad and I just decided tocall her up and see how she was doing and everything. She sounded so down and depressed, and I kept thinking is this all my fault? But then how can I take responsibility for someone else’s life when I don’t even quite know what to do with my own?
    But anyway, I told her I was sorry that I hadn’t spent time with her lately, but that my life was just taking another direction. Beanie was actually pretty understanding, even if she was slightly sarcastic about it. She said she knew that “my little stint with popularity had become all consuming for me, but that it probably wouldn’t last forever.” I figured I probably deserved that, and didn’t even get defensive. I just told her that I hoped everything was going okay for her and that I’d see her around. To which she laughed and said, “Around where?” I can’t remember what I said after that, but then I just hung up. Somehow that conversation didn’t go exactly where I thought it would, but then I don’t even know where that was. But perhaps I just needed to have some closure, as my mom likes to say.
    The truth is I think I may have closed the door on my friendship with Beanie forever. And I have to admit that makes me feel pretty crappy. Because the fact is, I never feel as relaxed or have as much fun with Jenny and her friends as I used to have with good old Beanie. I always feel like I have to be really careful and act just right when I’m with Jenny (like she wouldn’t like me if I acted like the geek that I sometimes suspect I really am). Okay, enough true confessions, this diary is reallygetting me down today. Maybe I should only write about what’s going on in my life—not about how everything makes me feel.
February 2, Friday (official first date)
    I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve written in here. But life’s been so busy lately—a good thing, I think. And now, even though it’s really late tonight, I want to try to catch up a little. Let’s see, Jenny and Josh are still together, although as much as she complains about him, I wonder why she doesn’t just let someone else (like me) give him a chance. Fat chance !
    So, anyway, Nathan started talking to me again, and I actually do like him. Plus he’s a pretty good distraction from Josh. Although Josh and I have become good friends now, and