Becoming Me Read Online Free PDF

Jenny calls and she’s all just as nice and sweet as you please. So I decide to act kind of indifferent to her, not rude or anything, but just slightly chilly, if you know what I mean. Anyway, it doesn’t seem to affect her at all. And finally, she just breaks down and apologizes to me ! I’m thinking, this is pretty funny; I leave the party last night with the one guy that Jenny Lambert really likes, and today she’s apologizing to me .
    So then I told her, quite honestly, that I was sorry too.I explained how I wasn’t having much fun last night, and when Josh offered me a ride, I couldn’t see any reason not to take it. “I know all about that, Cate,” she said reassuringly. “Josh came over this morning and told me the whole story. And I have to thank you—because of what you said, Josh and I are going out again.”
    Well, as you can imagine, I pretended to be all happy and excited for her, saying how I thought Josh was a pretty nice guy after all and how I hoped that things went better for them this time. (I really hoped that they’d go out on one date and end up in a great big fight and break up for good!)
    So now, it looks like I’ve lost Josh and Nathan all in one stupid weekend. One minute your hopes are flying to the moon and the next minute you’re lower than a piece of chewed-up gum sticking to the bottom of someone’s dirty sneaker! Being a teenager these days is not for the faint of heart.

FOUR
January 14, Sunday (questions, questions)
    I didn’t want to go to church today. But naturally I kept this little piece of information to myself. Knowing something about how the mind of a parent works, I felt pretty certain that they’d put two and two together to equal five and thus decide that my new friends (Jenny et al) were a bad influence on me after all. And right now, I’m not too sure about my dad’s thinking anyway, so I’m certainly not going to rock the family boat.
    So anyway, I got up, got dressed (and believe me there’s no need to plan a cool outfit for this crowd) and climbed into the backseat of our Volvo next to my little brother, Benjamin, who became impossible when he turned twelve, and who hasn’t bathed (I’d guess by his smell) since last year! Anyway, eager to escape Ben’s stench, I leaped out of the car and raced over to the youth house (maybe my dad thought I was excited about going to youth group). To my dismay, Beanie, once again, was not there. Not that I really wanted to hear her lecture me or anything, but suddenly I’m feeling all guilty like ifBeanie doesn’t go to heaven now, it’ll be all my fault. But to tell you the truth, I’m not even sure if I’m going to heaven these days. I mean, just because you go to church doesn’t mean you go to heaven. At least that’s what our youth pastor said today. And I got to thinking, maybe I’m not going either.
    Then here’s a really scary thought—what if there is no heaven? I mean, what if all these Christians are working really hard to be so good and perfect (playing by the rules and everything) and come to find out there is no heaven—no hell—just a great big cosmic joke. I have to admit it feels really wrong (is it blasphemy?) to actually write those words down. But the truth is, I’m starting to wonder about all this religious stuff. I mean, for my whole life, it’s all I’ve ever heard, and I guess up until now I’ve always pretty much believed it. At least I think I did. And even now, despite all this doubtful rambling, I do still believe in God. At least I think I do. But then why am I suddenly feeling so confused about all this stuff? Is it right for me to blindly accept my parents’ religion as my own without ever asking any questions for myself? I mean, Beanie’s dad is supposedly Jewish, but that doesn’t seem to make her Jewish. So what’s the deal? So I’m thinking that just because my parents are Christians and go to church (fairly regularly, but not always) that doesn’t necessarily mean