Because We Are Read Online Free PDF Page B

“Does it matter what I want? Are they going to let me?”
    â€œWe’re doing all we can to make sure that you are accepted. But you’re going to have to be on your best behavior.”
    â€œMama, I didn’t do anything—”
    â€œEmma, you’re going to have to learn that you don’t have to start the fire to get burned. You always have to protect yourself. Stay away from people like that.”
    Anger similar to that she had felt at Ms. Simmons stirred in her. “Like what?” she demanded.
    â€œLike they have no sense and no self-respect,” her mother said impatiently. “Now I want you to promise me that you will not be bothered with people like those girls.”
    â€œI was not with those girls, Mama. Can’t you understand?”
    â€œI understand that you’re already in trouble, Emma. So promise.”
    Emma sighed and did not respond.
    â€œIs that too much to ask? That you protect yourself?”
    â€œOK, OK, if that’s what you want. I’ll promise.”
    â€œOh, Emma.…” her mother cried and left. The door reopened suddenly and her mother said angrily, “I wish you’d clean that messy room.”
    Emma buried her head in her pillow to stifle the sobs. What do they want from me? Mama, Ms. Simmons, my friends? She thought of Liz and Brenda—my enemies? She felt torn. Always she was trying to please. For what? If she satisfied her friends, she offended her parents and teachers. What could she do? Suddenly Marvin’s words struck her: “What do you say?” “What do I say?” she demanded aloud. That was the burning question that she had to answer, but she knew she could not deal with it then.
    It was not even eight o’clock, so Emma decided to watch Masterpiece Theatre on public TV. When she walked out of her room, she discovered her mother dressed to go out. Then she remembered it was her mother’s bridge-game night.
    â€œI’ll be at Ethyl’s. I left the number right by the phone if you need me. Think you can do without me for a few hours?”
    That was her mother’s way of making up. Emma responded, “Oh, I guess so.”
    â€œYou sure, now?” her mother asked.
    â€œYou had better go before I change my mind.” They both laughed and an uneasy truce was made.
    After Masterpiece Theatre , Emma flipped the dial, but found nothing to ease her mind. She went to bed.
    Around midnight she awoke from troubled sleep, from a bad dream that she could not remember. The house was quiet. The silence was eerie. She got up and looked out her window. A fog had stolen in, so thick she could not see the streetlight near the house. Quietly she opened the door.
    The living room light was still on. Her mother had not returned. What would she do if something happened to her mother? Nothing would happen, she reassured herself. November was the month of fog, and her mother was a good driver. Still she worried.
    Finally, she heard a car in the driveway and the garage door open and close. Relieved, she sank into sleep before her mother peeped into her room to see if all was well.
    Again she awoke from troubled sleep. It was only twenty minutes after three. She got out of bed and looked out her window. The silent, foggy darkness was still there. Feeling lonely, she thought about her father and remembered how, when she was a little girl, she would wake in the night and go to her parents’ room. Her father would always let her into their bed on his side. She remembered the warm place and his nice clean smell of soap. She felt the tears in her throat and longed then to go in to her mother and say how sorry she was about everything—especially sorry for them; but she lay on her own bed and listened for the familiar sounds of the night to break through the silence.
    The next morning Emma slept late. On awakening, her first impulse was to stay in bed all day, but she knew she should get up and