Because We Are Read Online Free PDF

cry.
    How could Mama just walk up and decide that I was in the wrong? How can she go on punishing me for one mistake? What is happening to us? Emma felt that she was fighting a shadow. She had to get her mother to trust her again.

Five
    Emma went quietly to her room. She lay on her bed fully clothed, trying to contain the anger, to dispel the humiliation; but she could not clear her mind of her mother’s words: “… acting like somebody brought up in the street.” Ms. Simmons’ word— riffraff —flashed before her mind’s eye and she burned with shame. Why had she bothered with Liz and her friends at all? Why had Marvin deserted her? Couldn’t he see that she needed him? Tears choked her but would not flow.
    Reluctantly she rolled her hair in curlers, thinking that Marvin might come. She tried to get involved in Essence magazine, but the words did not make sense. Too much was whirling in her brain: Would she make her debut? What was happening between her and her mother? If only her father were here—had never left home. Things had been a lot better, even until he remarried.
    She remembered how, before, he had come to see her often. They went places—to the beach, to San Diego. Always when he brought her home, her mother would have prepared special dishes that Emma’s father liked. They all had time together. Emma prolonged that time, showing her father all the things she had accomplished: her test scores, special projects, paintings—anything to hold them together. Then he remarried. It was as if he had died. His visits became further and further apart.
    Now, as she looked back over the past few years, she could see how her mother had changed. After the remarriage, at first Emma had given up hope, also, that he would come back. But then she believed that if she made him proud of her, he’d want to come home. She worked even harder then.
    That was one reason why she wanted to be a debutante so badly. Her father would certainly take her mother to the ball. That was a family affair: the daughter of Dr. and Mrs. Lawrence Walsh. She would help her mother choose the right dress and makeup; make sure she was as pretty as she could be; and her father would be so pleased he would like both of them.
    What if he brought Jody? The thought paralyzed her. How could she stand before all those people and be announced as the daughter of Dr. Lawrence Walsh and Mrs. Janet Roberson Walsh? Everyone would know she had no family. Her father would dance one dance with her, and then all the rest with Jody. How would her mother feel? Why hadn’t she thought of her mother’s feelings before?
    The phone rang and she was startled out of the depressing mood with a hope that it might be Marvin. She waited to be called. When her mother did not come, she slowly undressed for the night.
    Later her mother knocked on her door. “Emma. Emma,” she called.
    Suddenly the anger at her mother returned. She lay quiet and still. Get hold, she told herself, but she could not answer.
    â€œEmma!”
    â€œYes.”
    â€œMay I come in?”
    Emma angrily turned over on her stomach and pressed her head down on her folded arms, still not answering.
    â€œEmma, are you in there?”
    â€œCome on,” Emma finally said.
    Her mother entered and sat on the side of the bed. Emma did not look at her.
    â€œI guess you think I’m hard on you, Emma, but I’m only trying to keep you from destroying yourself.”
    Emma felt the anger move to guilt. She kept her head down.
    â€œDo you want to make your debut, Emma?”
    She felt that she deserved to be a debutante. She had worked hard for it. She had maintained a four-point average; she had not only involved herself in community activities, but she had also participated in many extra school activities. Now she did not answer.
    â€œLet’s assume you do,” her mother went on.
    Emma raised her head and looked at her mother.