Bang Bang Bang Read Online Free PDF

and raise their arms.
    STEPHEN. Où est ton commandant?
    CHILD SOLDIER. C’est moi. C’est moi le chef.
    STEPHEN. Laisse-nous passer.
    CHILD SOLDIER. Personne ne peut passer.
    SADHBH. Nous avons nos papiers. Qui est ton commandant?
    BIBI. Il ne sera pas content si tu ne nous laisses pas passer.
    CHILD SOLDIER. Personne ne peut passer!
    STEPHEN. Hey, little buddy. Can you put down –?
    The CHILD points the gun at STEPHEN ’s head.
    ( Through gritted teeth. ) Fuck this shit.
    SADHBH. Cool it. It’s okay.
    STEPHEN. Does this look okay to you?
    CHILD SOLDIER. Qu’est ce que t’as pour moi?
    STEPHEN. Just give her some dollars and let’s go.
    BIBI. What about chewing gum?
    STEPHEN. You’re kidding me, right?
    SADHBH. Try to be calm.
    CHILD SOLDIER pokes the gun at STEPHEN.
    CHILD SOLDIER. Luyindula. Luyindula.
    BIBI. What’s she saying –?
    SADHBH. Comment?
    BIBI. It’s okay, Stephen, / it’s okay.
    STEPHEN ( through gritted teeth ). Good.
    Because I’d rather not get shot in the face by an eight-year-old.
    CHILD SOLDIER. Makélélé. Makélélé.
    STEPHEN. Drogba.
    CHILD SOLDIER. Drogba-Chelsea.
    STEPHEN. Well done, little Buddy.
    CHILD SOLDIER. LuaLua.
    STEPHEN. You got me there, kiddo –
    The CHILD SOLDIER lifts the gun threateningly.
    CHILD SOLDIER. LuaLua.
    She prepares to fire.
    STEPHEN. Hang on… He’s Newcastle – right?
    CHILD SOLDIER. Newcastle United.
    The CHILD smiles at STEPHEN.
    Donne-moi.
    STEPHEN takes off his T-shirt and gives it to the CHILD.
    The CHILD is delighted.
    ( Pointing to a logo on the T-shirt. ) C’est quoi ca?
    STEPHEN. Adidas.
    CHILD SOLDIER. A dida. Adi das. J’aime Adi das.
    Drogba, Makélélé, LuaLua.
    STEPHEN. LuaLua.
    The light snaps out.
    STEPHEN is T-shirtless – holding his wine-stained top.
    SADHBH throws STEPHEN a T-shirt.
    BIBI clears up a pool of red wine with kitchen roll.
    MATHILDE. I’m so sorry.
    STEPHEN. No worries. I love it when women / throw drink at me.
    MATHILDE. I’m a little drunk. Wow – ( Giggles. ) I didn’t throw it.
    You’re funny.
    SADHBH. You’re hilarious.
    STEPHEN dabs at a spot of wine on MATHILDE ’s knee and hands her the roll.
    MATHILDE dabs at the spot of wine.
    MATHILDE. So – why did you leave Congo?
    STEPHEN picks up an empty bottle and some of the used kitchen roll.
    STEPHEN. I had a problem.
    He clears the stuff away.
    SADHBH. You didn’t.
    Stops him by handing him an empty tray with the remainders of pizza crusts.
    STEPHEN. See, Mathilde – it’s taboo for a humanitarian to say that they lost the plot.
    SADHBH. What?
    STEPHEN. Here’s a bedtime story for you.
    I finish a three-month contract in Congo. Sadhbh stays on. I arrive home. Back to normal. Pay the bills. Shopping in Sainsbury’s. ( Dumps the rubbish into the bin and returns. ) Find myself standing at the fridge section for an hour in front of fifty kinds of yogurt – I’ve just come from a country without a fridge or fresh milk and don’t let’s even start on the meat counter. And this night – I’m woken by someone sitting on my bed. I realise that the bedroom is full of men, women, children. Some with splintered skulls.
    MATHILDE. What did you do?
    STEPHEN. I couldn’t get out. The room being full.
    So I have to pull the door. Really hard.
    Maybe I even hurt people. Go for a piss – come back –the fuckers are still there.
    I can barely get back into the bed.
    MATHILDE. And then?
    STEPHEN. I discover that if I blink people disappear –
    But only two or three per blink.
    After a month I had a fully blown tic.
    MATHILDE. But you’re not blinking now?
    STEPHEN. I went to see a shrink. Got some pills. Left my job.
    Haven’t looked back.
    MATHILDE. You’re joking with me?
    STEPHEN. No. Yes. No.
    MATHILDE. Oh dear, I must be drunk.
    Silly. Silly. I can’t tell if what you say is real.
    The