Attempting Elizabeth Read Online Free PDF Page A

send my traitor roommate.
    Tori must have been completely missing the fact that her life was in imminent danger, because she winked up at Mark. “The only thing that would get her more riled up is a discussion of which actor is a better Mr. Darcy: Colin Firth or Matthew Macfadyen.”
    I wondered if there was something more dead than dead? Dead wasn’t good enough for her. She needed to be deader. Like maybe I could kill her, then raise her in some horrific voodoo ceremony just so I could kill her again. It occurred to me that I’d been way more homicidal than usual today. I’m pretty sure I’d thought of killing Tori more times in the last six hours than in our entire fifteen-year friendship. The girl had no idea the kind of thin ice she was skating on. None.
    Don’t respond; don’t respond; don’t respond. “Firth, of course,” I bit out and then wanted to smack myself. “What do you think, Mark?” I said quickly in an attempt to move the conversation back off myself.
    “On Firth versus Macfadyen?”
    “No. On Han vs. Greedo.” Too late I saw the devilish twinkle in his eye. He’d known exactly what I was asking. I was beginning to come to the conclusion that this entire hiking experience had been orchestrated by the universe to put me in the worst possible light.
    “I’m not sure it matters,” he dismissed the topic with a shrug. “The essence of the movie is the same.”
    “But it changes the whole way the audience sees the character of Han Solo.” I was indignant.
    “But the movie isn’t about Han Solo. People love him, especially women,” he raised his eyebrow at me. “But it doesn’t matter if Han is a little less sexy or dashing, because it’s not his story, it’s Luke’s, yeah?”
    I sputtered in outrage for a moment, searching for a reason why his argument had to be wrong. “But Han is a very important character. His character stands in opposition to Luke’s earnestness, so when he finally changes in the end, it makes it that more epic.”
    “ Star Wars is a typical Hero’s Journey, written straight to Joseph Campbell. So Han’s a great character, but he’s a supporting one. Luke’s journey isn’t affected by who shoots first in the Cantina scene.”
    I almost tripped over my own feet. Had Hottie Bartender Guy just pulled a Joseph Campbell—the author of the definitive comparative mythology text—reference out of his back pocket?
    “But,” he continued. “I don’t disagree that once a film has been out that long it becomes part of the broader cultural consciousness, and it’s probably wisest not to tamper with it too much, even for the sake of—and in George Lucas’s case I use this term loosely—broader artistic vision. I’m not sure it’s quite worth getting worked up about, though.”
    I didn’t even have to look at Tori to know she was trying not to collapse into hysterical laughter.
    “Well, we all have things that push our buttons, I suppose,” I said with as neutral an expression as possible. Such as hot guys with muscles, killer accents, and apparently brains, that managed to be both irritating and arousing. I couldn’t decide which Mark was more of, but I was generally annoyed enough to side with irritation, even though his use of the term “cultural consciousness” had made me want to throw myself at him and beg him to let me have his babies. But he’d probably let those babies watch the Special Edition, and God forbid, maybe even the second trilogy. It would only end in acrimony and recriminations. And then I’d have to add him to my growing “To Murder” list, right after Tori.
    Charlie and Rick started in on a new topic, and I took the opportunity to lapse into a frustrated silence. Luckily the conversation had helped us cover the last quarter of the trail and it was only a few minutes before we were able to see the blessed sight of the parking lot. I was only too glad to have the end of the hike, and hopefully the entire day, within