Attack the Geek Read Online Free PDF Page B

problems. If possible, the smell in the tunnel got worse.
    That’s never a good sign . In her nine months of hero-ing, she’d noticed a clear correlation between “smells bad” and “likes to snack on humans and suck the marrow from their bones nom nom nom” types of creatures.
    “Boss?” Ree asked, closing ranks with Drake between one of the adventurer’s bursts of flame. The gnomes on the roar side of the tunnel parted. Even worse sign.
    Grognard buried the head of his blade in a gnome’s shoulder, the butt of the haft held down with his foot. Then he used the weapon like a lever, slamming four gnomes into the wall with one heave. “Anyone got a land mine?” he asked.
    “Let me check!” Uncle Joe said, flipping through his binder. “I just had a big order for a Direct Damage deck, haven’t had a chance to restock.”
    A second roar gave way to the sound of charging and splashing sewage. The gnomes on the far side vanished into the shadows.
    On one hand, it gave them a breather. On the other hand . . . “Faster would be better!” Ree said, quoting her favorite space cowboy.
    Eastwood holstered his blaster and leveled his Green Lantern ring at the right side of the tunnel. Ree pointed her blaster in the same direction. The group formed their best imitation of a pike formation, reinforcing their position in the direction of the oncoming . . .
    . . . Minotaur.
    Really? Just what I fuckin’ need.
    The beast emerged from the shadows, lit by lightsaber and flare alike. It held an axe that made Grognard’s polearm look like a toothpick.
    “Fuuuuck,” Ree said, and they all fired. Fire, laser, and lantern light hit the creature, but it kept coming, hunched over to fit its giganticness into the tunnel. The creature snorted out, and Ree realized that the thing wasn’t going to stop.
    Ree knelt to add her lightsaber to the pike formation. From over her shoulder, she saw another beam of green energy, and then the sewer was filled by a half-opaque green-colored brick wall.
    “This won’t work. Everyone back inside,” Eastwood said.
    The Minotaur hit the wall, and she saw the construct crack. Eastwood was sweating, his teeth gritted so tight, he was risking lockjaw.
    Grognard stood, backing away. “You heard him. Everyone inside. We need bigger guns for this thing.”
    “The way is clear!” Wickham said, pointing left. We can go!”
    Drake said, “It’s a ruse. The gnomes will only be waiting for us around the next bend. This is the proverbial Scylla and Charybdis,” he said as the Minotaur hammered away at Eastwood’s wall.
    The cowboy clasped his free hand around the other. His face was drenched with sweat.
    “No time,” Ree said, grabbing Wickham by the wrist and pulling her back and into the gap that opened when Grognard pulled on the door.
    The group rushed inside, and Ree ducked back into the tunnel to haul a sweat-slicked Eastwood after them as his construct crumbled and dissolved.
    The Minotaur’s horn bounced off Grognard’s wards on the door, but the hammering continued even as the brewmaster closed the last latch.
    Two sounds echoed at once as the Minotaur hit: the thud! of impact and the zot! of Grognard’s wards hitting the Minotaur back with the magical equivalent of a Mack truck. Ree wasn’t sure which was actually harder.
    Ree pushed herself off the door and hunched over, resting her hands on her knees. Eat your heart out, Insanity . Action Hero is the new extreme exercise system. Guaranteed to keep off the pounds, just as long as your life stays consistently perilous.
    The others collapsed to their knees or onto chairs. Eastwood splayed out on the ground, his chest heaving.
    “Well, that could have gone better,” Ree said between gasps. She stood up and went to the bar to draw a pitcher of water. The pitcher went on a tray, along with several glasses. Ree balanced the tray against her hip and brought the water back to the group. This was something she could control, a chance