Attack of the Fairytale Zombies! Read Online Free PDF

Wolf!” Heather cried. “Don’t drink the water!”
    The wolf stopped his advance and let out a low whine as a lit joint fell out of his mouth. “Dude, I’ve got cottonmouth. I need some water.”
    “Douchebagga put love potion in the lake,” Barth warned. “We have to alert everyone that the water isn’t safe.”
    “So not cool. I’m on it,” the wolf said as he spun on his heels and dashed back into the forest.
    Barth, Drag and Heather turned their attention back toward the dwarves as they dragged the shrieking pale-skinned woman out of the water by her hair.
    “Stop!” Barth commanded as he stepped in front of the dwarves in an attempt to block their path.
    “Brains,” one of the little red-faced men moaned as he released his hold on the woman and lunged toward Barth.
    Barth jumped back and raced toward Drag and Heather. “What the fuck?”
    “Brains,” the dwarf moaned again as he walked toward them with outstretched arms. His tiny pair of glasses was sitting askew on his bulbous nose, revealing two vacant, glowing eyes.
    Drag, Barth and Heather all scooted back several paces, their weary gazes darting from the advancing dwarf to his group of friends, which were now banging the screaming woman’s head against the rocky shore.
    Heather gasped. “What are they doing to her?”
    “Are they trying to rape her?” Barth wondered aloud.
    Drag shook his head before reaching out a massive paw and crushing the advancing dwarf. “It looks like they’re ripping her hair off.” He ground the dwarf into the rocky soil with the pad of his big toe while his focus was on the motley gang.
    “O-mi-god!” They all screeched as the dwarves smashed a gaping hole in the woman’s head and then started gnawing on the liquid that oozed through the gash.
    Barth hesitantly spoke up. “I suppose we should do something.”
    Although Barth wasn’t quite sure what exactly he should do. He’d only come to the lake expecting to find a bunch of fairytale creatures with shrunken balls. He certainly wasn’t prepared for this. He thought about his initial plan of fleeing Fairytale Kingdom, and realized it was sounding like a much better idea. If he didn’t have it in him to be able slay dragons, how in hell was he supposed to battle flesh-eating zombies?
    “Hey, leave her alone.” Heather rushed toward the little men while wildly waving her arms.
    The dwarves looked up, their glowing eyes focused on Heather as bloody juices dripped from their mouths. “Brains.”
    “Holy shit!” Heather raced back and scrambled up Drag’s back. “Get us out of here,” she cried.
    Barth didn’t think twice about following Heather. Despite the trembling in his limbs, he hurried up the rope ladder and joined Heather in the saddle.
    “Go, Drag!” he shouted, as the little zombies started their advance toward them. “Get us the hell away from Fairytale Kingdom.”
    After Drag leapt into the air, a tiny bit of bile projected into the back of Barth’s throat as he looked down at the grotesque scene unfolding at the lake. More fairytale creatures emerged from the water. Their eerie moans for brains were only drowned out by the shrill screaming of their victims on shore.
    Heather leaned on Barth and quietly wept against his chest. Barth’s heart softened as he wrapped her in a protective embrace. He knew she must be feeling a tremendous amount of guilt for not being able to save the kingdom in time.
    “Holy hell,” Barth hissed as Heather’s words came back to haunt him. If Swans Lake was the kingdom’s major water source, it wouldn’t be long before the entire town was infected by Douchebagga’s zombie potion.
    And then what? Even though most everyone in Fairytale Kingdom treated Barth with contempt and disdain, and even though he’d already been planning on ditching the town, could he really leave all these innocent people to die either a horrible, brutal death or else turn into flesh-eating ghouls?
    Of course he could. What had