my mom, already sipping what looks like a latte,
at our favorite java place. I hurry through the mall ignoring the shops calling
my name. Yes, I do need a new skirt. I want those new shoes, but there will be
time for shopping later. Mom wanted to meet for a reason. As I approach she
smiles but I can tell something is wrong. Her smile is too wide, her eyes too
bright.
"Sweetie, you look great."
"Thanks, mom. So do you. I didn’t see you this
morning,” I say. She brushes invisible dust off the table. "Were you
home?”
“Yeah,” I say. I
don’t want to tell her the reason. “I was out of underwear.”
She nods. "I didn't know what you wanted." She
gestures towards the empty spot on the table where my usual skinny latte should
be sitting.
I frown because she's not usually forgetful. Nine times
out of ten I get the skinny latte, mixing it up once in a while with an
Americano or a tea. Odds were in her favor if she went with the latte. Something's
going on. I study her face but the smile stays plastered there. Her hands are
folded over each other and resting on the table in a way that looks nervous.
"That's okay. I need something a little stronger
today. Want another?" I point to her cup. She shakes her head, wrapping
her hands around her mug as if to warm them. On this sunny July day.
With a glance over my shoulder, I hurry to wait in line.
From this distance, I can still see her. She pulls out her cell phone, flicks
her finger over the screen and smiles. The first genuine smile I've seen on her
face since I arrived. She taps a couple of times and puts the phone face down
on the table. What is she hiding?
The java joint is packed and it takes forever to reach
the barista. More time to worry about what's up with my mom. She looks up and
smiles at me, the huge fake smile from before. I smile back, wondering what
could be going on with her. I order a large Americano and do my best not to tap
my fingers on the counter while the barista makes it for me. It's not her fault
that everything in my world feels so shaky right now. Feeling like I need some
good karma, I drop a dollar in the tip bowl and walk back to the table, teasing
myself with the scent of coffee as I go.
Once I settle in and take a sip my eyes close in ecstasy.
I need this caffeine to perk me up so I can be understanding when my mom tells
me whatever her bad news is. I’m assuming bad news because she seems so
flustered. She has all the telltale signs of something eating her up inside.
The napkin that came with her latte lays on the table in a shredded mess.
Though her phone is face down her eyes dart to it every few seconds as if she's
waiting for a call or a text message.
"How's Jeff?"
She jerks her head up and her eyes go wide. "He's
fine. How are you? How was the party?"
I gasp, forgetting for a minute that I told her about it
on the phone yesterday. Instantly images of Drew’s snarling face flood my mind
and tears prick behind my eyes. I can’t cry here, not in front of Mom when she
obviously has her own stuff going on. I know she’ll want to know all the
details and I can’t tell her and see the disappointment on her face. I blink
and force a smile, conjuring a much nicer face into my mind; Officer Carlisle
in all his stern glory. It settles my racing heart, as though he’s reached out
and pulled me against his solid chest and told me everything’s going to be
alright.
"It was okay," I mumble.
I take another sip of my coffee and study her with
intense curiosity. She's never kept anything from me before and while I can
tell she wants to get something off her chest, she can't seem to bring herself
to. She fidgets in her chair, her hand moving to the phone but stopping before
picking it up.
"Mom, is everything okay? What did you want to tell
me?"
She picks up her mug to take a sip but realizes it's
empty. She puts it back on the table. Her phone buzzes and she jumps, knocking
over the sugar.
"I'm such a klutz sometimes." She rights