the
sugar and wipes the fine white particles into her mug then smiles up at me.
My mom is a lot of things but she's never in her life
been a klutz. "Mom, spill it."
Her shoulders slump forward, she grabs my hands, her eyes
are earnest. "I want you to know it won't change anything."
Panic races through my body. Is she sick? Has something
happened to someone in the family? "What won't change anything?"
"Jeff proposed!"
Joy shines through her eyes. A huge smile turns up the
corners of her mouth revealing perfect, straight white teeth that she never
tires of thanking her braces for. Torn, I plaster a smile on my face as I lean
over and hug her above the table.
"That's great, Mom."
What else do you say when your mother tells you she's
getting married? Stomp your feet and demand all of her attention? Remind her
that Jeff is the first real relationship she's had in years? It seems quick.
Can she really be sure about him?
It will no longer be just me and my mom. Jeff will be her
husband, not just a boyfriend. I liked it when he was a boyfriend. Boyfriends
are temporary. Husbands seem so much more permanent.
"You really think so, sweetie?"
"Of course, I do. I guess I’m just a bit flustered
because I’ve never met Jeff. I feel like I should know something about him, now
that he’s going to be my stepfather?”
Another wave of panic settles in my stomach. Would he
move in with mom, into my home? Would we have to move in with him? I try not to
think about the details yet and concentrate on my mom. Her eyes light up as she
talks about him.
"You'll love him. He's in law enforcement. A captain
actually."
So my new stepfather is a cop. Great. Not the best
profession for a long term commitment. The worry, and the long hours. So many
law enforcement marriages end in divorce. It’s one of the main themes in cop
dramas on TV. I wonder if my mother has thought through all of these things.
Don't cops have baggage? Lots of baggage. I'm not thinking about trysts during
stakeouts, though that crosses my mind too. But what about the other stuff? The
drinking problems, abuse, deep-seated emotional baggage. Scary stuff that my
mom doesn't deserve, because she’s been through it all before.
I wonder how much my mom really knows about Jeff. Her
words tumble out of her mouth like she's a recording on high speed. She finally
stops and takes a breath.
"I can't wait for you to meet him. There's a lot we
have to talk about. Living arrangements and stuff, but don't worry about that
right now. It’ll be a few months before we get to that."
She flicks her hand out to show me her ring. I was so
engrossed in the events of the night before and worry that she was hiding
something that I hadn't even seen the ring on her finger. I take her hand and
examine it. Not a bad cut, sparkly enough, not too big but not small either.
Jeff has decent taste in rings.
I look up at my mom's bright eyes and grin. Great taste
in women too.
"Nice ring."
She holds out her hand in front of herself to admire it.
"It is, isn't it?"
"Have you talked about a date yet?"
"No date yet. We wanted to talk it over with you and
Cory first. It's the second marriage for both of us so we don't want to go too
big."
Of course. Me and Cory. Who the hell is Cory?
"Cory?" I ask.
"Did I forget to mention Jeff has a son!"
I take a deep breath and another hit of my coffee. A new
stepfather and a stepbrother. It seems as though I’ll be going from being an
only child, to part of a family of four. I can handle that, can't I?
The idea of being a normal family grows on me the more I
think about it. For so long it's just been the two of us and while I love my
mom to pieces, I always wanted more. I wanted what my friends had; two parents
that were looking out for them, siblings to confide in. I’ve always thought
those things were out of reach.
I wonder what Cory will be like. When I was younger I
used to think about having a brother or sister. I thought if I had a sibling I
would