Among the Living Read Online Free PDF Page A

can find it and take it. This is mine, he says, this is ours, this is what we share, but Goldah, even then, finds it strange to cling to such despair, even hidden despair, as the only promise of life. What gift is that? For him they share it only so that they can know its truth; they share it so that they can each recount it … one day, one day, one day.

    Jesler sat with a whiskey held just below the lip of his desk. The light behind him had slipped in through the blinds, almost by accident.
    The study was an affectation, but Pearl said men of a certain standing required one. The real paperwork was down at the store. Even so, Jesler kept a few outdated files scattered across the desk, just enough to have her think he was putting the place to good use. He heard her in the hall and set the half-full glass in the bottom drawer.
    She said, “He’s asleep.”
    She was leaning her shoulder against the jamb and, for a moment, Jesler recalled something almost carefree in her face.
    “Feeling better?” he asked.
    “Ike’s asleep.”
    “Is he?”
    “I looked in. With his shoes on, poor dear.”
    “I’m not sure you should be looking in on him when he’s sleeping, do you, honey?”
    Her head tilted against the jamb. “He has a funny sort of walk, did you notice that?”
    “I hadn’t,” said Jesler, “no.”
    “In the station and out to the car. Long strides with a little hitch.”
    “He’s a tall fellow.”
    “You don’t think —”
    “No, Pearl, I think he’s just fine.”
    She gave a weak smile. “We need to look after him, Abe.”
    “We are.”
    “I mean really look after him.”
    “He’s a grown man.”
    “You keep saying that.”
    He heard the accusation. “Did you take a Bayer? Headache all gone?”
    “The house feels full, doesn’t it? Already. As if it was meant to be, him coming.”
    Jesler knew to tread lightly. “I’m not sure he’d see it that way, honey.”
    Pearl’s eyes wandered, her voice with them. “It was a terrible thing I said, wasn’t it? I should never have even thought it.”
    “We’re all thinking it,” said Jesler, drawing her back in. “Can’t be helped at the start. We’ll get better. Oh, by the way,I was thinking, if Ike doesn’t want to come and work with me down at the store —”
    Pearl straightened herself up. “What does that mean?” she said sharply. “You said he’d be working with you.”
    “I know.”
    “You said it. I thought we agreed on this.”
    “We did. Don’t get so het up. He’ll come work at the store, but if it’s not what he wants —”
    “How can he know what he wants? We talked about this, Abe. That’s for us to help him with. And especially with the expansion.”
    Jesler said slowly, “Pearl, honey, I don’t want to talk about that.”
    “But you said it’s all set out.”
    “I said —” Jesler stopped himself. “That’s not for you to worry about, okay? How’s your head?”
    “Fine, Abe, fine. But you know I wanted to have a party for it. Your announcement — and then Ike here. What a chance it would have been for tonight — introducing Ike and telling everyone how he’s going to be a big part of the store’s expansion. Don’t you see how nice that would have been for me? The whole day would have been different.”
    “I do — I do see that.”
    “You weren’t always like this, you know, keeping everything so close to the chest, and taking me along with you.”
    “I know. I’m a mean and terrible man.”
    “Oh, stop. But joys don’t come along all that often, and you know it.”
    “I do — except sometimes it’s best to wait on them, don’t you think?”
    He saw the sudden coldness in her expression and thought she might lash out — buried pain has such a refined capacityfor cruelty — but instead she said, “Well anyway, it’ll give us a chance to celebrate twice. Once for Ike tonight. And once when you let me tell the whole world about the expansion. So there.” She flipped her wrist with