All That I Need (Secret Desires) Read Online Free PDF

ours. I ran my finger over his tiny hand. With a little crop of dark hair, his pink little face adjusted to the lights around him. He was perfect in every way.
    Ryan Michael Sharpe joined our family that day, and as we admired our precious newborn, we both realized how special this moment was. I couldn’t stop looking at his tiny fingers, and his little button nose. After a few minutes, a nurse lifted him off of me, so they could clean him up.
    Soon they were moving me to another room to free this one up for deliveries. As I settled in, Austin looked at me with love in his eyes, “That was amazing,” he cooed, and stroked my hand.
    “You should sleep,” I suggested, and desperately wanted to myself. I was so tired.
    “Don’t worry about me, Mama, you close your eyes for a while. They said they’d bring him in later for a feeding, but rest while you can.”
    I smiled and closed my eyes, nodding off. It didn’t take long.
    Austin made sure to call our folks and friends, telling them the news. I spent most of the day between snuggling and feeding Ryan, and stealing cat naps when I could.
    When we finally headed back home, I was ready for the comfort of my own bed, and the familiarity of our house. Nervous and excited, we started our journey together as a family.
    During the course of that first week, people dropped by to meet our new son, and offer prepped meals to help out. It was fun and fascinating to see all the interactions. I enjoyed every single visit, except for one.
    It was his mother. She forged ahead telling me how to do things, what I was doing wrong, and how to do things better. She micro-managed every tiny detail of that visit, she was so overbearing. I couldn’t wait for her to leave, but I held a smile on my face for Austin’s sake.
    Austin did pretty well with the visits. It was the most socializing he’d done in ages, but when he had Ryan by his side, it’s like he was on duty to protect him and gave him purpose. Suddenly his world shifted, and a baby offered him focus.
    I’d watch him quietly sing to Ryan, cooing softly, and keeping him close. It was quite possibly the most tender, beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed. I fell back in love with Austin all over again watching him interact with our son. It’s not that I’d fallen out of love with him, but we lost some of our magic.
    I was thrilled to see Austin with Ryan, and he was a huge help. We just had one major discussion to get through, and that was his future. He’d chosen to take a locksmith course, but he didn’t put it in motion. He just knew what he’d decided on… but he was still without a job, and it was putting a strain on our finances.
    It was time for him to move forward, and I hoped his intense need to provide for and protect Ryan would inspire him to get out there.
    Chapter Six
    I braced for an argument, knowing it was a touchy topic. I was pleased that Austin was making progress with his counseling and medication, though he talked about stopping time to time. He felt he was ready, but I was afraid he’d backslide. I’ll be honest, I don’t think he trusted his counselor, but not in the way you or I would decide not to, it was just something inside of him he had to work on.
    At first I suggested he choose another therapist, but then I realized it wasn’t really about the particular person he was working with, but more of a general distrust of the mental health profession. He knew he was healing, but always wondered what they were writing, and who would be privy to the information.
    He hated that it was so open ended, and wanted to know it would end sooner than later. He was slowly piecing himself back together, but felt like he could do it on his own. Somehow, I convinced him to stay with it just a little longer.
    Austin went through a cycle of relentless self-loathing and withdrawing, and then would pull himself out of it for a while. It seemed to improve after Ryan was born, so I hoped our son would keep him in the