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could just call them on my radio and have them take you over to the Ocean County psych ward. That’s what we’re supposed to do . . .
    Myron
pours whiskey all around.
    Kim       Why would you wanna be left alone, Charlie? Don’t you like company? I’m relatively new at this, but you’re the first person to turn down my services. Do you prefer penises?
    Charlie       No.
    Kim       It’s OK if you do.
    Charlie       I’m not gay.
    Kim       Look I’m not dirty. I don’t have any STD’s or anything. I thought I had crabs once, but it turned out it was just scabies.
    Charlie       What are scabies?
    Kim       They’re like these tiny microscopic bugs that crawl under your skin and take tiny microscopic shits. Your skin is allergic to their tiny shits, so you start to itch and get rashes all over.
    Myron       The sun is slowly setting on my view.
    Emma       So you caught this, the microscopic insect shit, you caught this from a customer.
    Kim       Yes and no. He wanted to fuck me in a sandbox. Twisted guy. You wouldn’t believe what he paid me to fuck him in a sandbox in a playground down by the Irish Famine Memorial. Turns out that’s where they love to live. That’s why little kids get scabies all the time.
    Myron       Because they fuck in sandboxes?
    Kim       No. Because they play in sandboxes. And that’s where scabies like to live. So I go to the doctor and I’m like ‘What’s with all these itchy bumps; do I have crabs?’ So he tells me to pull down my pants.
    Myron       I shoulda gone to med-school.
    Kim       He takes a really close look at my pussy . . . and says –
    Myron       ‘Houston, we have a problem . . .’
    Kim       No. He says, ‘Don’t worry, it’s not crabs, it’s just scabies.’
    Emma       How do you kill scabies?
    Kim       There’s a lotion. You have to rub it all over your body and clean all your clothes and sheets. But I couldn’t help but feel really bad for the guy. I mean apparently scabies spread like wild fire.
    Myron       I can confirm as a fireman that wildfires spread very quickly.
    Charlie       He must have given it to his wife and kids.
    Emma       Well I’m sure the scabies were happy, they got to hitch a ride on those kids right back to the sandbox.
    Kim       Anyway, the point is, Charlie . . .
    Charlie       Yes, what was the point?
    Kim       The point is that I’m clean. Kevin has been very good to me and helped me out a lot, so I don’t want to let him down.
    Charlie       How exactly has Kevin been good to you?
    Suddenly the scrim panels slide in and cover the proscenium of the entire stage. A pre-shot video flickers to life on the scrim. We are in Kevin O’Donnell’s very expensive New York loft. Expensive art adorns the walls.
Kevin
and
Kim
have just finished fucking.
    Kevin       Oh fuck! Fuck!
    Kim       Fuck. Stupid condoms.
    Kevin       Oh my God, I just came in a prostitute. Do you have AIDS?! Please tell me you don’t have AIDS!
    Kim       OK calm down! I don’t have AIDS.
    Kevin       Well you’re on the pill right?
    Kim       Hell no!
    Kevin       Hell no? How could you say ‘hell, no’? You’re a prostitute! It seems like a relatively important business expenditure for someone who fucks strangers for money.
    Kim       I just don’t like to put weird chemicals in my body.
    Kevin       You put