All Falls Down Read Online Free PDF Page B

relatives, and in all probability, the morbid few who will keep the gossip-mill running for weeks. None pay the least bit of attention to me, however.
    I slip quietly through the family rooms and into the kitchen, out of sorts and aching. I shouldn't have snapped at Jared, I know this, but he runs so hot and cold. Lukewarm and cold, really. I can't keep up. One minute, he's so gentle. And the next, he's scowling at me as if I've done something wrong.
    I'm offended by his implication that I might bring harm to the sisters in some way. It's nothing I haven't heard before – in great length and detail – but the insinuation hurts nonetheless. When Toby said it, it was simply a way to manipulate, control, and wound. Just another way to keep me dependent upon him, to break me. Acknowledging this hurts more than it should, but he can't wound me anymore. The physical scars I carry – the days spent alone in the hospital – are enough.
    Jared though….
    He's an unknown intrusion into my fragile bubble. A mystery.
    It scares me that I find myself so at odds around him. He's no one to me – I am no one to him – and yet, the way he speaks to me hurts. I feel so inadequate, constantly apologizing for some failure I don't understand. This is how I felt with Toby. How he wanted me to feel. Enduring it again here and now is disconcerting, painful.
    Everything here is so confusing and I'm lost. In everything. I'm here because I have nowhere else to go, and for this moment at least, Katrina needs me. After this… well, I don't know where to go from here. My future is mine and it's overwhelming. I never had a plan beyond school. And I don't even know where to begin making one now.
    Sometimes I think that being manipulated and controlled is easier than this. But I'm not that girl anymore and I don't want to be. I'm just… me. A nobody.
    That hurts, too.
    I make my way into the kitchen to find Lexi standing in front of the chrome coffee pot, staring blankly out the window. Raindrops run down the flawless glass like tears. Fitting that the sky should cry on a day like this.
    Matthew is really gone. My heart aches all over again. I want to cry that this isn't fair, that he deserved better, but who really listens anyway?
    "Hi, Lexi," I say instead, not wanting to scare her. She's been so jumpy today. I can't help but remember what Kit shared with me last night.
    Is Lexi in danger? How is Jared keeping her safe? Who killed Matthew?
    There are a thousand questions I want to ask. Unfortunately, the one person I could have burdened with them has made it abundantly clear that it's not my concern, that I don't belong and have no right to ask. I think I may resent him for reminding me that I'm an outsider when I already feel it so acutely.
    "Savannah." Lexi turns her head in my direction. Her baby blue eyes are red-rimmed and full of pain. She's still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. "How's Maddi?" she asks.
    "She's sleeping." I make my way to the deli trays spread across the bar. Nothing looks appetizing, but I select a few bits of cheese, crackers, and grapes. I have to eat eventually. "Jared's sitting with her."
    "That's good. She adores him." Lexi sighs and reaches for the coffee pot. She lifts it in my direction, asking if I want a cup, and I shake my head no. She pours for herself and leans back against the counter, nursing the steaming mug in her hands.
    She watches me while I eat.
    "He seems fond of her, too," I finally offer, picking at the pathetic selection on my napkin. I want to sit, to relax, but I don't dare. The stools along the counter are too high, and Lexi's standing between me and the table. My back already hurts. It doesn't seem as if the stitches are already out, but they are. Fourteen of them held my skin together, keeping my inside things where they belong.
    The reminder makes me queasy.
    I open my eyes and blink against the harsh white light blaring down on me from directly overhead. I'm lying down, and I have no